I actually feel most alone when I am with my family. My parents have massive emotional problems and I always felt like they are more interested in solving their own pain than dealing with my needs. I feel like they're more likely to be interested in what I can do for them than what they can do for me. I guess most people are like this to some extent, depending on how many "internal wounds" they have. It takes a person who is "whole", who is comfortable with himself, to really give authentic love to another, and I don't think that most of us are very "whole" or comfortable with ourselves.
I also am trying to understand the idea that everything in the universe is connected to everything else. That means every person is connected, and we are really more alike than different. That helps me feel like I belong in the world.
You do sound like you have self-esteem issues. Maybe you are like me and had the people important to you say several very hurtful things when you were too young to remember it. I often find myself feeling defensive when I logically have nothing to feel defensive about. I tend to assume that people will be critical of me (like my parents were). You sound similar to the way I often feel.
I do believe this is something that we can change though, and I am working on it. I think that it helps to choose carefully the kinds of people you spend your time with. Stay away from negative people as much as possible, even if they're family. And look for ways to build up your self-esteem. And try to remember that most people really aren't as bad as you think.
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