If answering only to MYSELF, I'm not ashamed of anything I have done - I find the idea of being ashamed of oneself utterly impossible to grasp (although I understand it perfectly from the social point of view). But what I am afraid of is the reaction of others - violence, despising, because if I told them, just by hearing the words they would not understand. There is only one thing I'm ashamed of in this manner, and I do not feel comfortable enough to write it here at this time.
Maybe- just maybe, one of the reasons sharing your shame with others is not really about authenticity is that some people aren't smart enough to understand you. Because of their own issues, some people may understand totally different things than the ones you are saying about yourself. What's the point of comunicating if the other cannot understand you? And even worse - if you KNOW what the other will understand if you say something and you go ahead and say it - that thing is what you are actually communicating - not the truth in your heart.
For example, if you have done something that people label as "evil", and you tell someone who doesn't understand, what you're actually saying is not
"I've done this and I'm ashamed of it - I invite you to be as open to me as I am to you"
but
"I want you to know that I've done what only an evil man would do (in your opinion)" because you know that HE believes only evil men would do that and he is not yet able see beyond that.
If you really care about him, then first take the time to teach him why normal people could do that too, and only when you are sure he understands and accepts it, tell him you are one of those people. Otherwise, you deprive him of his closest source of enlightment on that topic - YOU - and you invite him to reject you from their life and to continue to live in denial.
Or maybe this whole logic is just my way of justifying my own denial.
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