Reading this reminds me a lot of the last few paragraphs of
Day 19 of your Raw Foods trial.
Quote:
The social issue is also beginning to wear on me a little. I don’t eat out much, so that isn’t a big deal, but I can’t really eat with my family at home. With the three of them being on a cooked vegan diet, it’s hard for me to sit with them while they’re eating. It’s not a self-discipline issue per se. It would take a force of nature to get me to eat something cooked before day 31. But I find the sights and smells of cooked food confusing to my senses while I’m eating all raw. For some reason it greatly disturbs me.
This experiment has raised my awareness of something else as well. There’s a part of me that’s questioning whether I’m taking the notion of optimizing my diet too far. Health is obviously more than just food intake, and I’m concerned I’m giving too much of my power to something outside myself. Is it possible I’m somehow creating a more and more restrictive diet for myself as part of a process of discovering a more important lesson? That would be congruent with the subjective reality interpretation of this experiment. One way to grow is to honor your expectations, which is basically what I’m doing with this experiment. But another way to grow is to change your expectations. When it comes to diet, I’ve always used the former approach, but I’m starting to get curious about what would happen if I began testing the latter approach.
I can’t recall the source, but I remember reading an eye-witness story about a yogi (at least I think it was a yogi) who swallowed a whole bunch of mind-altering pills that would have normally been fatal — or at least caused a severe reaction — and they apparently had no effect on him whatsoever. He did it intentionally too, probably as a demonstration that he was in control of the effect of whatever he ingested. I don’t know if that story is true, but the very notion is a challenging one to consider. Is it possible that the best way of eating is to stop assuming that food has any power over us except that which we give it via our beliefs?
I hope that doesn’t come off like I’m lamely trying to justify a return to cooked food. I’m just sharing the honest realizations I’m having along the way. Make of it what you will.
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It seems like you may have reached a tipping point where the temporary negatives seem to outweigh the potentially permanent positives. This knocks you out of congruency with pressing on and leads you to begin adopting empowering perspectives that support returning to the way things were before.
What if you broadened your perspective on this to encompass the collateral benefits? When's the last time you felt this disconnected? What potential benefits could you get from experiencing this disconnect? Just as the temporary experience of poverty can permanently increase your capacity for abundance; emotional upheaval will only further ground your capacity for balance.
I say, don't suck it up, dive in. Allow yourself to experience the
emotional storm even from the perspective of total aloneness. If you really want to reach that "next level" you may have to embrace going through intense growth spurts where you can't even tell if you're headed in the right direction.
As you've shared before, whenever you grow in one direction other parts of your life will naturally atrophy. It's natural to become dispassionate when you shed big chunks of what you once thought of as yourself. The benefits of letting go are largely found in what you acquire anew, not in the creation of the void itself.
In your book you stated (paraphrasing here) that there were several times that you and Erin were on the verge of breaking up, but every time that led to having very open conversations that brought even greater depth and intimacy in your relationship.
Enjoy the contrast. Let it feel so bad that it feels good, and eventually it will lead you into even greater internal dialogue.
The better compromise solution would be to simply hire someone to do all the juicing and clean up for you. I think forcing yourself through 60-90 minutes a day of tedium is a poor use of self-discipline. On
Day 7 you stated that all the juicing and cleanup was part of the challenge, and that "for now" you didn't want to hire someone to do that for you. But from a self-discipline standpoint you have little to gain by forcing yourself to accomplish something you know you can do whether you prove it or not.
Reduce the opportunity cost of continuing; develop or adopt more empowering mindsets to view your growing disconnect as a positive; and enjoy the ride.
The bottom line is that you're a creative enough guy to love either decision you make (and regret either as well). So, all things being equal, would you rather love the experience of pressing on? Or love returning to solid foods?
As the saying goes, "Make a decision...then make it the right decision." Either way, you've already won.