I was just thinking about whether or not I should tell my partner something that happened a few years ago and then I read this article. I guess it's a sign. Well, I suppose I can practice here and see how it goes:
When I was 15 my parents hired a man, who was a friend of a family friend, to help out on the farm. He was 42. He tried very hard to be my friend. He came on my walks with me, offered to pick me up from school and cooked me breakfast. On some level I knew what he was doing, but I didn't ask him to leave me alone.
He followed me around like that for a couple of months, which culminated one night after he'd been drinking, to him coming on to me. I told him to stop and that I wasn't interested. He left me alone and I didn't tell anyone about it. A few weeks later he tried again, again I said no and locked myself in my room, without telling anyone about it. About a week after that he tried again, I said no, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He (literally) forced me to do something I didn't want to do. I was terrified and I called my friend and told her that something had happened. She told me to tell my parents and I didn't. I don't know why I didn't. He came onto me again after that and I stopped resisting. This went on for about a year.
My friends knew something was up (I went from being a happy, outgoing person to introverted and depressed). I lied to all of them, including the friend I'd already told (I said it was a "misunderstanding") and told them that I was in love (which later on in the year I also lied to him about). It finally ended when one of the friends I'd told told a mutual friend of my parents, who then told my parents and I haven't seen him since.
I am so ashamed that I lied to everyone about what really went on. I hated it, I hated myself for doing it, I hated that I didn't stop it and I still hate him. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to cause him serious harm.
This is the first time I've told anyone the whole story. Some of my friends from highschool still think I loved him, although I know at least two of them know I was lying. I'm still debating whether or not to tell my current boyfriend, but the subject of "first times" came up last night and he was very intrigued when I said I didn't want to talk about it and changed the subject.
Wow it feels relieving to get that off my chest
