Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

seeker5 · 11-12-2008, 07:22 PM

LordSappington,

You've obviously done a lot of studying and research on this subject. You don't seem to be shy, and you seem to be willing to be courageous in this subject. You seem to know the "if x do y" type of stuff.

However, I have the feeling from reading your posts that it was all mechanical - that there was no heart in it, and that it was all outside-in stuff. That you focused just on the skill aspect of how to say stuff, what to do, instead of the inner aspect of yourself, of your inner being. That's a popular approach (focusing on the skill aspect) and one many people in this thread suggest.

However, since this approach isn't working for you, have you though of trying a completely different approach? That is, work on yourself from an inner perspective, instead of working on your skills set. As Steve writes in his book - your relationships with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. So forget all the "skills" and instead work on loving all parts of yourself. Work on digging up disempowering beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs. Work on sending out love to yourself and to others, imagine feeling connected, feel connected to others without talking to them. Work on having an amazing absolutely lovely time alone so that when you meet others, it's not to meet your need, but it's for you to share a part of yourself with them as a gift.

Two weeks ago I went hiking, on what I now call a love hike. I went purposely by myself into nature with the purpose of sending out love all through my body and love to others I would encounter. I was able to feel so deeply connected with myself and to others, it was amazing, the love flowing was amazing. As a result, that entire week, I felt so much more connected with people then I normally would have been that it was amazing. Conversations sprung up much more naturally, easier, and I connected with others so much better, got invited to more events naturally and deepened my friendships with some of my classmates.

Just a suggestion from a fellow grad student on a similar journey to expand his social life as you're on.

11-12-2008, 07:22 PM	#25 (permalink)
seeker5 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,606	LordSappington, You've obviously done a lot of studying and research on this subject. You don't seem to be shy, and you seem to be willing to be courageous in this subject. You seem to know the "if x do y" type of stuff. However, I have the feeling from reading your posts that it was all mechanical - that there was no heart in it, and that it was all outside-in stuff. That you focused just on the skill aspect of how to say stuff, what to do, instead of the inner aspect of yourself, of your inner being. That's a popular approach (focusing on the skill aspect) and one many people in this thread suggest. However, since this approach isn't working for you, have you though of trying a completely different approach? That is, work on yourself from an inner perspective, instead of working on your skills set. As Steve writes in his book - your relationships with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. So forget all the "skills" and instead work on loving all parts of yourself. Work on digging up disempowering beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs. Work on sending out love to yourself and to others, imagine feeling connected, feel connected to others without talking to them. Work on having an amazing absolutely lovely time alone so that when you meet others, it's not to meet your need, but it's for you to share a part of yourself with them as a gift. Two weeks ago I went hiking, on what I now call a love hike. I went purposely by myself into nature with the purpose of sending out love all through my body and love to others I would encounter. I was able to feel so deeply connected with myself and to others, it was amazing, the love flowing was amazing. As a result, that entire week, I felt so much more connected with people then I normally would have been that it was amazing. Conversations sprung up much more naturally, easier, and I connected with others so much better, got invited to more events naturally and deepened my friendships with some of my classmates. Just a suggestion from a fellow grad student on a similar journey to expand his social life as you're on.