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Originally Posted by wolfgang  Wanting advice from an Internet forum? Please find someone real to talk to. There are lots of opinions on your situation that may not actually be fitting your case. I'm afraid for you that people responding to your problem as if they are experts in relationships and know your situation throughouly and although are wishing to help may actually be boosting their egos at your exspense.
I know you have writen what you can but how many responders are telling you something you can actually use or will actually use? They are telling you what they think they would do in your shoes. YOU are in your shoes, not any of us. Are you really going to decide to do something based on responses here? You need help finding out how you want to handle this not being told how to handle it, don't you think?
Some say dump her right away (actually lots say that) in the name of growing a spine - but if you go do what this post says to do you are having another version of spinlessness - being lead by a bunch of strangers on the Internet. There's something ironic about advice that says "be a man" but also "I'm going to tell you what to do". Of coarse I could just be coping out since I don't want to be responsible if you take my advice and it is bad for you. Although I do agree you need to keep mindfull of not throwing away your power - as we all do and what you are going through is some sort of loss of feeling empowered. Not that you can control her but you can control your responses and choose and feel empowered instead of being lead around by opinions here or your intoxicated and tramatized state.
I know you are hurting and so is she and maybe this thread is helpful just to have another "somebody" to spill your guts to - so that's good and encourage that you do if you have no other real people that can listen. And all the "advice" can be viewed as possible choices. I know it's hard to think clearly where you are but you also need to talk to real people that know you and can listen and ask you things in an exchange. It's good to hear you are talking with her.
Well, that's what I think after reading this thread. |
1st of all Wolfgang, even if he finds somebody "real" to talk to, will that person ever know all the facts? I've gotten plenty of crappy advice from "real" people my whole life. And I've gotten good advice from "imaginary" people on the internet.
2nd, he asked.
3rd, the details may be different, but I think RU's problem is an ancient one. Anyone who's ever been dumped, cheated on, or treated badly can relate - and might have some real insight.
This is an example of 'learning from the mistakes of others.' And we all know what's going to happen, if it hasn't already. He will choose to learn the lesson himself, just like I did, and just like almost everyone else does.
Telling someone to 'go find somebody else to talk to' isn't any better than giving them an opinion based on the facts they present. You're trusting that this poor guy will go find a qualified counselor. That's a pretty risky assumption, IMO.