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pterodactyl · 11-09-2008, 08:34 PM

Hi, Lord Sappington (lol at the name),

So I've been through much of what you described: the grad school gauntlet, in a tough program where my lab was Chinese and I spoke about two words of the language, trying to make friends in an unfriendly city, the whole friends leaving and getting married and no longer taking your calls thing, etc.

My first thought after reading your post is that you are likely literally sapping energy from people. If you notice, you ARE able to make friends-- it's that you cannot keep them. You are driving people away after a while for some reason and, if you aren't offensive in your personal hygiene and appearance or if you are otherwise not overtly annoying, I think it may be that you are seeking to obtain something from them, to fill a gap in yourself, rather than looking to give. When you are desperately needy for something, that thing eludes you. However, when you are able to find peace alone, when you are happy just living your life whether others are around you or not, and when you are relaxed in yourself, you attract people. When I meet people who are essentially friendless, it really shows, as they suck and sap the life out of me. You need to find a way to generate energy, positivity and spirit in yourself, and then broadcast that out into the world. I don't know specifically how you can do that-- it is up to you to find your passion and then share that passion with others.

Stop trying so hard, as that has not gotten you where you want to go, and doing what you have been doing while expecting results is insanity. Start focusing on what you can give, just by being yourself. What gifts do you have? What kind of help or advice can you give others? How can you help? Foster an unobtrusive and helpful attitude. Don't try to make friends but be around and observant and when others need help be the first to step in.
Volunteer to help people who truly need it. Be as giving and loving as you can be. Even though it is lonely, give love to yourself as well. I recommend reading "The Four Agreements" and "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The latter was especially helpful to me when I was going through a time where I felt friendless.

You are not friendless; you just haven't found your tribe yet. Work on loving yourself and the people around you without expectation.

11-09-2008, 08:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
pterodactyl Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 85	Hi, Lord Sappington (lol at the name), So I've been through much of what you described: the grad school gauntlet, in a tough program where my lab was Chinese and I spoke about two words of the language, trying to make friends in an unfriendly city, the whole friends leaving and getting married and no longer taking your calls thing, etc. My first thought after reading your post is that you are likely literally sapping energy from people. If you notice, you ARE able to make friends-- it's that you cannot keep them. You are driving people away after a while for some reason and, if you aren't offensive in your personal hygiene and appearance or if you are otherwise not overtly annoying, I think it may be that you are seeking to obtain something from them, to fill a gap in yourself, rather than looking to give. When you are desperately needy for something, that thing eludes you. However, when you are able to find peace alone, when you are happy just living your life whether others are around you or not, and when you are relaxed in yourself, you attract people. When I meet people who are essentially friendless, it really shows, as they suck and sap the life out of me. You need to find a way to generate energy, positivity and spirit in yourself, and then broadcast that out into the world. I don't know specifically how you can do that-- it is up to you to find your passion and then share that passion with others. Stop trying so hard, as that has not gotten you where you want to go, and doing what you have been doing while expecting results is insanity. Start focusing on what you can give, just by being yourself. What gifts do you have? What kind of help or advice can you give others? How can you help? Foster an unobtrusive and helpful attitude. Don't try to make friends but be around and observant and when others need help be the first to step in. Volunteer to help people who truly need it. Be as giving and loving as you can be. Even though it is lonely, give love to yourself as well. I recommend reading "The Four Agreements" and "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The latter was especially helpful to me when I was going through a time where I felt friendless. You are not friendless; you just haven't found your tribe yet. Work on loving yourself and the people around you without expectation.