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sbdiane · 11-06-2008, 03:20 PM

I've been in that situation.

In the past I worked for a lady who was extremely particular. She would sigh at my incompetence for asking questions and then get angry when I didn't ask because I would invariably do something wrong. I ended up on the bathroom floor in tears and on medication. I decided never to be in a situation like that again.

So fast-forward to my latest job. I did not feel right there almost immediately but decided to stick it out a year and be sure it wasn't just the new job jitters. I almost didn't make it through the first month because I felt that if the person training me was not willing or able to provide me with the resouces to do my job, it was pointless to stay. I stopped asking him questions and figured it out on my own. I never asked him another question no matter what it took to find the answer. I did things my way.

I think my independence irked him. I heard he was trying to undermine me with my boss, telling my boss I was not a good coder. I remembered that previous job with the lady and how I vowed never to be in a double-bind kind of situation again. I know I am a valuable worker. I knew that guy only wanted people around him that he could control and manipulate. I refused to go back to crying on the bathroom floor. So I left.

I say give the job enough time to where you are sure it is not all in your head. You could try writing down the events. I kept a folder called nasty grams with all the nasty emails and conversations I had with that guy. It was validating to me to see that it was not all in my head. He was very good at talking in what seemed like a polite way, but he'd be ripping me to shreds while he smiled. Knowing it wasn't in my head, that I wasn't crazy, was very validating to me and gave me the confidence to do my job my own way, and eventually to walk away with my dignity.

11-06-2008, 03:20 PM	#9 (permalink)
sbdiane Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 300	I've been in that situation. In the past I worked for a lady who was extremely particular. She would sigh at my incompetence for asking questions and then get angry when I didn't ask because I would invariably do something wrong. I ended up on the bathroom floor in tears and on medication. I decided never to be in a situation like that again. So fast-forward to my latest job. I did not feel right there almost immediately but decided to stick it out a year and be sure it wasn't just the new job jitters. I almost didn't make it through the first month because I felt that if the person training me was not willing or able to provide me with the resouces to do my job, it was pointless to stay. I stopped asking him questions and figured it out on my own. I never asked him another question no matter what it took to find the answer. I did things my way. I think my independence irked him. I heard he was trying to undermine me with my boss, telling my boss I was not a good coder. I remembered that previous job with the lady and how I vowed never to be in a double-bind kind of situation again. I know I am a valuable worker. I knew that guy only wanted people around him that he could control and manipulate. I refused to go back to crying on the bathroom floor. So I left. I say give the job enough time to where you are sure it is not all in your head. You could try writing down the events. I kept a folder called nasty grams with all the nasty emails and conversations I had with that guy. It was validating to me to see that it was not all in my head. He was very good at talking in what seemed like a polite way, but he'd be ripping me to shreds while he smiled. Knowing it wasn't in my head, that I wasn't crazy, was very validating to me and gave me the confidence to do my job my own way, and eventually to walk away with my dignity.