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Lauxa · 11-03-2008, 02:00 PM

This week I was starting to tunnel down to some deeper beliefs and desires...

I noticed that I have a desire to avoid expectations being placed on me. It is like I am afraid to improve because people will notice that I am doing better and then they will expect me to continue. I acted unpredictably to avoid the burden of others' expectations.

But I see now that others' opinions don't matter, what really matters is that I respect myself. And the way of respecting myself starts with self-care, especially diet and exercise and hygiene. I noticed that each nugget of Halloween candy that I gobbled was a statement of self-loathing instead of a gift of love and respect to my body.

Also I began to see how much my life has been driven by guilt. I feel like I have been actively seeking out behaviors to make myself feel guilty.

I have made so much progress already, and am really starting to believe that I can be/have/do anything I want. Here is my best example from this week.

I had been doing negative affirmations on perfect vision and sessions of taking off my glasses and imagining everything being in crisp, sharp focus. After doing this a few times I realized that I already knew the answer to this one -- my vision is absolutely the best when I wear my gas-permeable contact lenses. However, I broke a contact shortly after getting my last pair, so I needed to schedule an optometrist appointment.

A few days later, I woke up and one of my glasses lenses was missing. I looked all around the night table I had set them on, but I couldn't find it. I can sort of wear DH's glasses, so I put them on for a few hours, but they gave me a headache. I decided the Universe was telling me to schedule that optometrist appointment, so I got that done. Still couldn't find the lens. So I decided to look around in a last-ditch effort to see if I could find any other eyewear, although I was pretty sure there wouldn't be anything. And I found an unbroken pair of gas-permeable contact lenses waiting for me! I put them on, and almost immediately found the glasses lens in the bed sheets. I have been wearing contacts every day this week and my vision has been sharp and in focus, just like I visualized.

Also, I have a new 30-day challenge this month -- no smoking in front of screens. Instead, I bought myself a new craft case for my chain maille project that has been on hold for a while to work on while watching TV. I had tried to work on it a few months ago, but my tendons and elbows were too overworked and it hurt too much to continue. My postural improvements have made a big difference on this, and so far the chain maille is going great this time.

11-03-2008, 02:00 PM	#45 (permalink)
Lauxa Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,545	13 week update This week I was starting to tunnel down to some deeper beliefs and desires... I noticed that I have a desire to avoid expectations being placed on me. It is like I am afraid to improve because people will notice that I am doing better and then they will expect me to continue. I acted unpredictably to avoid the burden of others' expectations. But I see now that others' opinions don't matter, what really matters is that I respect myself. And the way of respecting myself starts with self-care, especially diet and exercise and hygiene. I noticed that each nugget of Halloween candy that I gobbled was a statement of self-loathing instead of a gift of love and respect to my body. Also I began to see how much my life has been driven by guilt. I feel like I have been actively seeking out behaviors to make myself feel guilty. I have made so much progress already, and am really starting to believe that I can be/have/do anything I want. Here is my best example from this week. I had been doing negative affirmations on perfect vision and sessions of taking off my glasses and imagining everything being in crisp, sharp focus. After doing this a few times I realized that I already knew the answer to this one -- my vision is absolutely the best when I wear my gas-permeable contact lenses. However, I broke a contact shortly after getting my last pair, so I needed to schedule an optometrist appointment. A few days later, I woke up and one of my glasses lenses was missing. I looked all around the night table I had set them on, but I couldn't find it. I can sort of wear DH's glasses, so I put them on for a few hours, but they gave me a headache. I decided the Universe was telling me to schedule that optometrist appointment, so I got that done. Still couldn't find the lens. So I decided to look around in a last-ditch effort to see if I could find any other eyewear, although I was pretty sure there wouldn't be anything. And I found an unbroken pair of gas-permeable contact lenses waiting for me! I put them on, and almost immediately found the glasses lens in the bed sheets. I have been wearing contacts every day this week and my vision has been sharp and in focus, just like I visualized. Also, I have a new 30-day challenge this month -- no smoking in front of screens. Instead, I bought myself a new craft case for my chain maille project that has been on hold for a while to work on while watching TV. I had tried to work on it a few months ago, but my tendons and elbows were too overworked and it hurt too much to continue. My postural improvements have made a big difference on this, and so far the chain maille is going great this time.