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Originally Posted by Rockchick26  I get inspiration from my desired outcome. If i knew ahead of time that something was going to embarrass me or make a fool out of myself,i wouldn't be inspired at all! I still can't figure out how to be confident for something when it always ends up bad! In order to be confident about something,i have to KNOW it will work out the way i want,otherwise there is nothing to get confident about. |
Aah, this is the catch. You can be confident, without actually having a reason to be confident. Imagine young children playing make believe, or pretend. It's not pretend for them, it's real, they are the cowboy, or the policeman in that moment. It's just the same. The kid doesn't know how it will turn out, he doesn't care, what's important is being a policeman and acting it out to whatever outcome. To have the result, you'd have to give up the result, and then be confident.
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I wish i knew the answers! I have been trying to identify reasons in my head every time this happens,and i never really have any answers! I just feel uncomfortable. I know they'll talk back to me,but then they always go back to talking amongst themselves so i know its useless to try to talk to people who don't talk to me. To me it feels like,you know how they say "if you keep doing the same thing expecting different results,then youre an idiot" well i feel like an idiot every time i talk to people and the same thing happens,they end up talking to somebody else who is cooler/funnier/more talkative,whatever. Then i always say to myself "i shouldn't try to be something i'm not",but then i think "but i AM cool and i AM funny,i am not a loser!" so i feel like i'm trying to fit in with people i belong with but they dont think i fit in.  I really feel this the most when,(sadly enough,since this is my favorite thing to do) i'm at a concert. Because that is where my heart truly belongs,that's where i feel like i fit in,i'm around others who are on the same wavelength as me,but i still don't even fit in there!! Cuz i'm so much older than them and they are so young and hip and all there with their huge groups of friends and there i am,by myself,and when i try to talk to people they act like they dont want to be bothered. Yet that is the only place i feel i belong. So what do you do when you don't even fit in where you belong?! Sorry i'm rambling on and on here LOL
What it all boils down to is i'm just not good at talking,because I never was a talker. Starting back when i was 5 years old or so,i'd bury my face in magazines and books. I'd sleep over at my grandma's house and i'd spend most of the time not even talking to her or my grandpa,just reading her books and magazines.
So maybe my problem is just that this is my personality,to be quiet,and shy. But i dont know if that is a personality trait or if i've been socially challenged since i was a little kid LOL Is that possible to get screwed up so young like that? What if social anxiety is nothing more than the result of forcing an introvert to become an extrovert?
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Wow, that's a lot of stuff!
Social anxiety is what happens when you put an "introvert" into a social situation, nerves, worry etc. Introverts can still be very social and friendly with some really close friends, but they will have fewer, better friends. An extrovert tends to have more casual friendships. I swing between the two from year to year. One year I'll have a small group of close friends, then the next year I'll have a few dozen friends that I all see. In fact, on different days I'll want to see different amounts of people.
You can be an introvert all you want, you can even be a hermit, but you know there's a part of you that isn't happy with the situation you find yourself in. But you've read all the techniques, you've studied all the tips and tricks on how to make friends, so what's missing?
Try this: What kinds of feelings come up when you are in a social environment? What "ways of being" do you fall back into in a social environment. Like you wish you were confident, how would you describe the ways you are being when talking to people? Make a list of the 10 most descriptive and accurate words to describe it.