[ballaholic]

[QUOTE=Angela;257115]I wouldn't use the word "cheating," but she is behaving in a way that says loud and clear that she's not your partner in a loving, long-term, mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR). The behavior I'm talking about is that she discusses your relationship challenges with a guy she's known for a month who is openly courting her.
[QUOTE]

On the day of the fight when I said things I shouldn't have said, I repeatedly, in anger told her to go confide in him about our relationship, and she did that night. I didn't mean it. But I didn't call her back after we hung up and the onus is on me. She told me she cried, and that he called her and she told him.

I think I'm a little bit better now. I slept for three hours last night and I have been thinking it through and my friends have given me their thoughts. They were all similar to all of your responses and I'd like to thank you guys for responding to my thread.

I spoke with her yesterday and today, calmly, and I couldn't help but ask her about us in the end of our conversations, even though I don't want to pressure her. I just want closure. She says she wants to talk it out with her friends and to talk it out with this guy because she says she doesn't want to lose him as a friend either. Which breaks my heart. When I asked her questions about this dilemma, she seemed to not want to answer and would be like "ugh, one sec, what did you say?" alot. When I told her I wanted us to be exclusive, if we get back together, and she asked me if we really needed the boyfriend, girlfriend label. Again, I was hurt by this. She said she likes it the way it is now, when I'm talking to her calmly and she says she wants to have fun. But she reassures me that she loves me and that she'll come back to me, she just needs time. She asked me to give her until friday. I know how she is and this is just going to be a long game of procrastination if she is undecided.

So, I've decided that I'll give her until sunday. I don't want to be with someone who is not willing to commit, and I do not want to convince someone at this point to be with me. I'm going to have something written, and ready to tell her. She's either with me exclusively or she's not and she's single and she can have her fun and we will still be friends for however long I can take it for. I love her and our relationship is complicated because we are from two different backgrounds and we've gone through so many obstacles that I don't think anyone would want to be in for a long time -- except for me. She has so many restrictions put on her because she is indian and I've put up with that for almost 2 years. I put up with my parents constant bickering about me being with her (I'm vietnamese). I put up with her not being able to sleep over at my place because she has to be home. I put up with her having to lie to her parents to have to come and see me. I put up with not seeing her because she is not allowed to go out. My friends thought I was insane, but I was and am in love. I came back every weekend from my university to see her when she was alone in a competitive university where she had no real friends to get her through the tough times. She moves there, and she made some friends who are good to her and she is enjoying it which is good. But they don't know us and yet their advice has so much influence on her because I think she wants to conform to her social surroundings. But I was there for her through those tough times, and for her to not even consider that hurts. Perhaps I shall remind her when I tell her this weekend.

I don't see anyone going through what I did just to keep a relationship with her and I believe that noone can love her like I do. In my eyes, I know that she just has feelings of lust because he is courting her. She tells me he makes her feel the way I use to and that she constantly calls him by my name before the fight. I don't want her to get hurt. But it's her choice and i realize that.

I've been foolishly and perhaps seriously thinking about going there for transfer credits next semester or the in summer to save our relationship. Why? because on that night when she told me of her infidelity, she said she missed me and that she wanted to see me. She cried and I know she still wants to be with me, but I'm not able to be there for her. But I want to see what she says this weekend and perhaps I can make my decision based on that.

I'm sorry for the incoherent and contradictive thoughts but I wanted you guys to know some details.

Thank you for putting forth your two cents I greatly appreciate it!