Quote:
Originally Posted by Chips73  Going back to my problem of having low self esteem, I find myself caring more about what people think of me and therefore needing their approval probably more than most.
I work longer hours at work to try and achieve approval from my peers.
So....if I can raise my self esteem on one side of the scales then hopefully I will care less (not not care at all) on the other side of the scales about peoples
opinion of me and the balance is maintained.
I'm already worrying about the comments that this post will generate because I have been a member for less than four hours and already I have dared
to question Helgi's article, I am already concerned that the "community" will dissaprove of what I've said and respond with critisiscm of my post.
But if I am going to increase my self esteem I may as well start right here, right now. My opinion (and thats all it is) is just as valid as anyone else's.
I think it's helped just thinking this through and writing it down.
Cheers
Mark |
I like criticism of my ideas. It allows me to reaffirm those ideas when I believe I'm right, and to adjust when I'm shown that I'm wrong. That's evidence of recent changes I've made in my attitude toward what others think of me.
I've also had low self-esteem for a long time but in the last couple of years I've been working on improving that. The changes have been gradual, but I have definitely found that I'm bothered less and less by people's negative opinions of me, and I spend less and less time thinking about what other people think.
However, over the last couple of days I've been shown that the approval of others (one girl in particular) still has a great affect on me. Both negative and positive; I'm happy, but I'm distracted and pre-occupied.
So Mark, in my experience raising my self-esteem has not maintained the balance. Hopefully it works out better for you.
Great article Helgi, and I think it accurately covers the
what and the
why of ending our need for approval and fear of disapproval, but I don't believe it covers the
how.
I'm not yet able to help much in that regard, but my improvements in that are have been largely due to
meditation and the subsequent improvement of my awareness of my own thoughts, and my ability to ignore them and act as I want, not as I think other people want me to. So similar to what ÜberDan mentioned.
There's no way I could have been involved in a dance performance two years ago, I would have been too scared of everyone laughing at me. Yet a couple of months ago I participated in a dance performance despite only learning to dance for two months before the performance.