[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Parthon

The only way to break the fear, is to unroot the source. From what you said about having a perfect picture in your mind with your desired outcome, that's it exactly. Fear comes when you are in danger. In this case, you want the outcome so badly(you really do ) that you make it a part of yourself. Then once it's a part of you, whenever it comes under threat you need to protect it, bam, instant fear. When it comes to fear, we are practically robots. It worked for us during evolution, but it's not as useful now in everyday life.

But i don't feel like i'm "in danger" in these situations. Its more like a feeling of worry that nobody will like me or take me seriously or respect me.

Now the way to get rid of fear would be to stop thinking about outcomes, stop picturing what it's going to look like. Next social situation, focus on no outcomes, and no picturing. Make sure you don't care how it turns out, and be completely okay with whatever happens. This will be incredibly hard at first, because you are so good at picture outcomes, so let yourself mess it up a bit. The goal is to see if something shifts, if there's something new there. I promise you won't lose anything worth losing, but you have a chance to gain a lot.

lol yes you are right,this is very hard. I am almost constantly thinking about this concert i'm going to on Friday and every minute i'm not actively doing something,i find myself imagining what it will be like. I was told that this is a good thing though,to visualize how you want something to be. I understood that is part of the law of attraction,to visualize what you want and then when the time comes,it will happen. Just like professional sports,the athletes visualize how they will play,how it will feel,the feeling of winning,etc. So what youre saying is the complete opposite of what i've been learning for the last few years LOL

Also, if you want to put your visualisation ability to the test:
Imagine you are in the situation you wish, talking to the people you want to talk to completely without fear. The conversation is going great, you are making people laugh, and they are having fun. Everyone wants to be your friend. You can see yourself being the socialite person you want to be. You can feel yourself being that person, without fear. How does it feel? What's there instead of the fear? How are you acting? and Who are you Being?

That is what i've been trying to accomplish now for years! But it doesnt help once the time comes,i literally feel like i am unable to be that person that i imagine myself being. but this goes against what you said up there to do LOL Which is right?

(By "Being" I mean the best word to describe your complete state: Happy, Confident, Friendly, Gracious, Fun, Jovial, Empowering, Dangerously Awesome. Find the one that best suits by making one up, it's often the first word to come to mind.)

Well i guess i'd say Dangerously Awesome,Empowering,and Confident. So why don't those feelings carry through to real life? I feel like i have to have some cooperation from those around me in order to feel those things. I mean,obviously,how can anyone feel confident if the people around them don't reflect that back to you? In other words,i WOULD feel confident if my reality proved that my confidence is validated. It's like if a band were to release 10 albums over a decade,and nobody bought a single one,why would they think they were good? And why would they continue? but if they sell millions of copies,they'll have the confidence knowing that they are good so it helps them to become even better! I feel like that band that is not selling any copies and wonders why because this band is really good LOL