Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Family parties: If they feed negative feelings, why attend?

belugagirl · 12-24-2006, 06:20 PM

Tasaio, I understand how uncomfortable it is to be around elders who are of dwindling capacity. (I think that's a major reason why we avoid visiting our elders and so many of them are lonely.) But to HER it is most surely not uncomfortable. You mentioned that you just sit quietly together. While that may not be your definition of meaningful time, I'll bet it IS hers. So go, and consider that your gift to her. Yes, it is a sacrifice for you, but that's what makes it an even more meaningful gift.

As far as the rest of the the family, their bullying you is about their insecurities, not your value. As unpleasant as it is for you to be surrounded by them, perhaps if you try entering the party with the intention/expectation that you will remain serenely unaffected by their negativity, it might help. If they pick on you, take a moment to feel sorry for them, that they are so in need of reassurance of their value that they have to obtain it at your expense. That might make you feel better and absorb less of it.

Good luck, and _Happy_ holidays!

12-24-2006, 06:20 PM	#3 (permalink)
belugagirl Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 59	Yes, go. At least for Grandma. Tasaio, I understand how uncomfortable it is to be around elders who are of dwindling capacity. (I think that's a major reason why we avoid visiting our elders and so many of them are lonely.) But to HER it is most surely not uncomfortable. You mentioned that you just sit quietly together. While that may not be your definition of meaningful time, I'll bet it IS hers. So go, and consider that your gift to her. Yes, it is a sacrifice for you, but that's what makes it an even more meaningful gift. As far as the rest of the the family, their bullying you is about their insecurities, not your value. As unpleasant as it is for you to be surrounded by them, perhaps if you try entering the party with the intention/expectation that you will remain serenely unaffected by their negativity, it might help. If they pick on you, take a moment to feel sorry for them, that they are so in need of reassurance of their value that they have to obtain it at your expense. That might make you feel better and absorb less of it. Good luck, and _Happy_ holidays!