[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Parthon

You do sound like a great person on the internet, I have trouble picturing you as shy.

Of course,because on the internet,shyness doesnt really exist. But if you met me in person,you would probably not even believe i'm the same person.

From what you've been sharing it sounds like you've already got the skills, but there's a mental block that's preventing you from using them. This block is completely fear based, and the only way to overcome it is to break it down by seeing if that fear is real or not, and then generating something new in it's place.

I wish i knew what my fear was! Wouldn't i have already figured that out,i'm not a spring chicken anymore LOL

I'm guessing that much of the time you don't speak because you are scared of one of the following:

• saying the wrong thing
• annoying someone else
• losing a friend
• being embarrassed

Well,i am afraid of saying the wrong thing because it happens all the time! I am notorious for saying the completely wrong word,or something that is inappropriate,or something that makes no sense at all,or a broken sentence with gaps in it...i really feel stupid most of the time when i talk LOL

I guess i do feel afraid of annoying people but only because of my above reason. I always end up feeling like an idiot and then people don't want to talk to me anymore,so of course i am afraid of this happening again cuz it happens all the time!

I am not afraid of losing a friend...i've never said cruel or mean things to my friends...and when i'm around good friends,i don't really have this social anxiety problem. It's only with people i dont know or want to impress.

Yes,being embarrassed...that happens more often than not,anytime i speak to people i dont know. I almost always obsess over it afterwards and i get embarrassed even remembering the stuff i said.

When you are scared of how you look in the eyes of others, you can't be an awesome and friendly person. It just doesn't fit. You have to look stupid and say silly things to be an awesome and friendly person.

But i DO look stupid and say silly things and that repels people away from me. Who wants to hang out with someone who can't speak normal and comes off as an idiot? lol

So where does the fear come from? It's primarily from attachment. You only get scared when you are attached to the outcome of a situation, in this case it's being liked. When you are attached to being liked, you get scared that you'll lose at it. The flip side though is that when you are scared, you aren't likeable. If you try to be likeable, and try hard to avoid being shunned, you come across as fake and desperate. Other people are reacting to your fear, because they can't see the real you, only the fear you are giving them.

Wow. This makes so much sense. But how do i fix it? So far the only things i can come up with is to either drink or get stoned LOL Not good solutions,i know

So, does it feel like the fear comes from being attached to the outcome, and is preventing you from making friends?

yes,because the only times i am calm and relaxed is when i am with people who already know me and who i know who will hang out with me again. And now that you mention the attachment to the outcome thing,that really hits home because i like to meet the bands that i go see and i usually have a perfect scenario in my mind about how i want it to go,and i usually have a crush on one of the guys,so that intensifies my attachment to the outcome,i want them to like me!

If so, what would you do in your interactions with others if you didn't have this fear?

Well i dont really know,because i've never not had this fear LOL I guess the only thing i can think of is how i act when i'm drunk or stoned,in which case its impossible to capture that state of mind sober because if it were that easy,there would be no one using drugs or alcohol. *sigh*

I feel like we're getting somewhere here LOL thanks for all your help,i kinda feel like i'm in therapy LOL