[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Parthon

I wanted to ask, are you being 110% honest with yourself, brutally honest? Because, if you were cool and engaging and interesting, then you'd be beating new friends away with a stick. Because you aren't, that would indicate that what you do doesn't work. It's not wrong, or bad, it just doesn't give you the results you need. In order to improve in the areas to get results, first you need to know which areas they are, and to find them out you need to be fully truthful with yourself.

Well i have pretty good self esteem now (as opposed to when i was a kid),so i do feel like im being honest about how i feel about myself,i am not a good liar and i want to get help about this so lying wouldn't help anyway. The thing is,i would be beating friends away with a stick,yes,IF my social behavior matched my personality. Its all inside but nobody sees it and i have problems letting it out. I can have the most interesting funny story to tell people but i can't deliver,i suck at talking cuz my brain freezes and i end up sounding like a ditz. It's like half my brain doesnt work right when interacting face to face with people i dont know very well or at all. Thats why i love talking to people online because that problem is completely disappeared,when i can type my words instead of saying them. I also HATE talking on the phone,i avoid it anytime i can.

As for being cool, I always dislike "cool" people. I prefer easy going, "whatever happens, happens" kinda people. If you say "that's what cool means!" then I have to say, you've got it in the wrong order. People who are laid back are cool, but people who try to be cool aren't laid back. So are you actually laid back and easy going, or do you try hard to be laid back and easy going to the point where you have to constantly think at a million miles per hour about everything everyone is saying and doing?

Wow. I think you hit the nail on the head there! I think i know the difference now,between being laid back and being cool. And I do spend WAY more time thinking about how i am acting or should act and how others are acting than actually enjoying the experience. Well,i CAN enjoy the experience and truly be laid back,only when i have some alcohol or maryjane in my system LOL Then is also when my problem completely disappears.

As for being interesting, people go to a concert because they like the music. Someone else who likes the music is kinda "eh". That's why you are there too right. Now, if you could talk about why you like the music, or what you get up to while listening to music, or other kinds of music that you like, and why you like it. Good friends normally have at least 8 or 9 things in common. There's also a big difference between discussing something and telling someone something. If you are just spurting facts, or lecturing people, of course they'll get defensive. If what you say enhances the conversation though, and makes the other people feel included and feel like they can contribute, that's what draws them in, and makes them open up.

yeah i do tend to do that,just spurt things out,i dont really interact i guess,now that i think about it. I dont feel comfortable asking questions either (big mistake,i'm sure) but thats because i feel like if i ask questions,i'm being more nosy than i should be with a stranger i just met. I also feel like questions and answers are too interview-ish. I'd rather a conversation just flow smoothly with both people just saying whatever comes to mind,i dont like one person asking the other a question then they answer then they ask the other person the next question,that whole vibe makes me immediately wish i could crawl in a hole. I also open up A LOT after i've known someone for a few months but up til that point,i just dont feel comfortable pushing it to that level.