[Alfonso Crawford]

To counter some of the seriousness within this thread, I submit the following:

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford, and His Experiences at Summer-Camp

Do not transport cactus via your own pants-pockets: you will likely have neither the time nor the patience you return your pants to a usable state, after you've taken the cactus where you intended to bring it—which, interestingly, you'll be able to do without pain.

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford, and His Experiences at Church

Do not listen to metal, while leaving a church—even if you work there: the police will interrogate you, for it.