[ns123]

I am sorry that you detected snarkiness in my tone. I can certainly understand why you would perceive that. Please believe me that I did not intend to be snarky.

Yup I choose to put myself in this position because I'd rather not stand my ground. I want to be the victim. I want to be this sensitive meek person that gets trampled on for the rest of my life. Yup years of allowing her to dig my dismal lifestyle is suddenly going to change just by a simple choice within that second just like that. I'm going to gain those magical nerves that will help me stand my ground with the snap of my finger.

Is there some truth in this? The reason why I ask this is because many things that set me off (like what happened here for you), is because a small part of me believed it to be true (even if it's not true).

I'm tired of this lifestyle and I've wanted change and I've seeked help in all sorts of places on how to overcome this and clearly not much has helped.

The answer is in you. I don't believe anyone out there will say, hey, do this, and magically you will overcome this. (man, I wish this for my own life!) And even if they did, how would you know it would work? What kind of answer are you looking for?

Your sister expects things from you. You have decided to not provide those things. What follows is the results - she disfavors you. She lectures you. She tells you off. So what? Accept those results. You can't change her. You can change you. Not overnight. It takes time and effort. Instead of hating her response, you could accept her response. Say, that's ok. I understand you are upset that I don't want to do that, and I'm sorry for that. But I will not do that. And stick to your guns. She attempt to make you feel bad, but sorry, feeling bad is all up to you.

Then when I finally refuse a request she accuses me of not knowing how to be nice to someone and just do a favour for someone without expecting something in return when I already do that for the most part!

Is this true? You do her favors and don't expect anything in return? You mean, like you don't expect her to do favors for you too?

I'd love to know how to absolutely ignore her laughter every time I attempt to stick up for myself.

You can do this. Just choose to. It's not easy, it'll be hard as hell. But you can do this by simply choosing to.

How else do I move myself to abundance and joy when I'm constantly being reminded in front of my face of how I'm the black sheep of siblings?

Do you believe you are the black sheep? Maybe it bothers you because a small part of you believes this is true, but you are trying so hard to prove this is not true, so that you can hide the fact that it really is. I've been there, I have some really powerful limiting beliefs myself!

I'm just saying that it sounds like much of your suffering doesn't come from your sister, it comes from you. And you allow her to activate you and it just seems like it's coming from her. Sorry, it's all you.

The advice I have may sound simple, easy, or maybe you might even think stupid. (Angela - bubbles!) But it is this:

Accept your sister for who she is. Accept her reaction to the changes in your relationship with her (not doing her favors, not cowering to her demands). Accept that she views you a certain way, but know that it is not true. Start working on getting a job (is there any way you can put more effort into this job?), moving out, and generating the life you want.

One more thing, find out what it is that you want. We know what you don't want, but knowing what you don't want will not bring you what you do want. If you tell me you don't want a martini, I still don't know what you want. Do you want a cheesecake? Do you want a coke? Do you want a handbag? What? I just know you don't want a martini, but that doesn't help me help you get what you want.

Find out what you want and turn towards that.