the_caveman, here's my thought on the subject. I believe that every person makes the very best choice that they can, at the moment that they make it, with the information they have available. Where that gets screwy is in thinking that "the best choice" has something to do with what you actually want.
Let me give you an example of mine to see if this rings any bells for you. There are many instances of which I can think where I wanted to see myself achieving financial and social success. And repeatedly, I found myself not achieving the marks that I wanted to. When I looked closely, I found certain patterns repeating.
On of these patterns was that I would spend endless hours generating ideas, creating plans of action, detailing how I saw the mechanics of the process working out, etc. However, where I typically fell short was in follow-through. I had all of these great ideas and plans, but rarely executed any of them. And, when I did, I would typically execute to the degree of about 50% of my capability.
How was that my best choice, some might ask. Well, it was my best choice given the information that I had. Certain information, which I chose nonetheless to ignore, was playing against my success. That information was my own self-doubt.
I lived a rather easy life in a loving, supportive family. I was the baby and got whatever I wanted. That experience showed up elsewhere in my life as well. When I found myself out in the adult world, "coasting" was not to be the path to the success that I sought. However, I was still just a coaster. I figured out that I held a belief that I did not know what my capabilities were, and feared finding out that they were not as strong as I thought they were. Thus, when faced with challenges, I did not perform to 100%. I feared finding out just what I was capable of.
So the choices that I made fulfilled my need to stay rooted in false confidence of thinking that I was highly capable. The need was based around a core need of security. I had a high need for security that I had not previously acknowledged. Interestingly, being completely honest with myself, I found that I was already missing the security that I was so desperately trying to protect. The need for security manifested in my own 'not trying' for I believed that if I actually found out that I was not capable, then I would have proven to myself that security was not possible.
I hope I explained that well enough.
What I then ask you is, what is the core need? What is the core need that results in patterns that lead to self-sabatoge. If you can consciously meet those needs, then you will be able to interrupt the patterns that lead to their getting filled. I believe that core needs will be filled, at all costs, even to our own detriment. So, what is that need? How can you fill it aside from the patterns that currently sabatoge your efforts to achieve what you desire?
For me, the security need is now more consciously filled by acknowledgement of all of the risks of a particular business transaction, or what have you. That is, simply consciously acknowledging what the possible outcomes are grants me the security that I previously sought through self-sabatoge. Now, all of that information was previously available. I didn't really have to DO anything differently. I simply had to acknowledge that need and give it what it wanted. And that has made all the difference.
Now, it's not like I'm a 100% productivity machine now. I am working on it. My old patterns (oh, so many of them) still show up in varying frequencies and intensities. And sometimes I catch them and sometimes I do not. But being conscious of them, and the need that they are serving, has helped me to be more aware of when I am getting in my own way.
What are your needs?
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