[amixa]

You hate your sister, but yet you feel that she should help you find a job?

I expressed I hated my sister by how she has treated me over the years .. or should I say.. I've let her treat me
The reason why I did was because for whatever reason I looked up to her (stupid me for looking up to my older sister) and took value in her opinions. Yes I gave her a lot of power and it was clear I didn't know about personal power and the ability to gain that back then. Then years go by and you have all these years of built up anger and resentment towards her for not being supportive and only being destructive and all your esteem is built up on negative affirmations from her. It wasn't until 2 or 3 years ago that I had enough and gained the courage to take a stand. And because I stand up for myself this means that I am to be unfavored and ignored and continued to be put down upon anyway.

Do you always hate people who you think should help you? Oh, yes, your mom. You live with her (she is helping you) and yet, she is useless too.

This post isn't about my mother. I never stated she was useless. My mother is a completely different topic.

I guess that's easy, so that you don't have to held accountable when you don't like the results. You just blame her. Hey, I'm not judging you, it sounds like a pretty easy path, but I know that would not generate joy for me. But if you want to continue doing that, you have my permission.

Or, you could respond in a different way... up to you. It's your choice.

Have you ever thought that if I knew how to gain personal power so easily that I would have done it? No you just assume I'm some lazy annoying girl on the internet that just wants to cry out 'poor me my life is horrible oh no!'
Yes I prefer such an easy path. Hardly. This has not been an easy path at all. Being stuck down here has made my life so much harder.

Any time I try and speak up and gain power my voice trembles, my gut grows weak and I cry easily. Meanwhile she stands her ground, her voice is strong and she maintains her presence. Yup I choose to put myself in this position because I'd rather not stand my ground. I want to be the victim. I want to be this sensitive meek person that gets trampled on for the rest of my life. Yup years of allowing her to dig my dismal lifestyle is suddenly going to change just by a simple choice within that second just like that. I'm going to gain those magical nerves that will help me stand my ground with the snap of my finger.

Why do you think I post this on here? Not to just bitch about my circumstances -- I'm tired of this lifestyle and I've wanted change and I've seeked help in all sorts of places on how to overcome this and clearly not much has helped. I do appreciate genuine advice minus the snarkiness.

If your sister disappeared, never to come back again, what will be possible in your life? Will you magically have a job, lots of money, be able to move out on your own, be completely and utterly joyous?

no I would not have a job, lots of money, be able to move out on my own and be completely and utterly joyous (but definitely way more joyous).

I never said that would make anything like that happen. You clearly are missing the point. She constantly expects me to pull favours for her when she does not even bother to drop my name anywhere for anything in return. Then when I finally refuse a request she accuses me of not knowing how to be nice to someone and just do a favour for someone without expecting something in return when I already do that for the most part!

The job thing was just an example. I don't expect her to necessarily get me a job.

And for reference I did move out for 3 years and I was much happier without having to see her and hear her insults all the time.

What can you be doing now, that will move you to abundance and joy?

I'd love to know how to absolutely ignore her laughter every time I attempt to stick up for myself. Her insults and reactions to my interests and how they are 'freakish' and 'strange'. How else do I move myself to abundance and joy when I'm constantly being reminded in front of my face of how I'm the black sheep of siblings?

I'm aware I gave my power away long ago. How do I get this 'pain body' that makes me tremble and cry to shut up so I can gain my power back?