Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How to stop caring what other people think of you

Chips73 · 12-24-2006, 04:23 AM

Crikey!

I only discovered this site a few hours ago and already it's helping me.

Thanks first to LindaF for the original post. For me to see that other people suffer from this problem is a big relief!

There have been some excellent posts in this thread, but the one that struck a chord with me was the one from "icesar".
If you have low self esteem then you are more likely to care about what other people think of you and your actions.

I'm not entirely sure that I agree with everything that Helgi says in his article,
I don't think we can "value neither approval nor disapproval" to solve the problem, I believe it is more to do with
achieving a balance of how much we care about approval and disapproval.

I think that gaining approval from our peers/relatives is the underlying driving force of the human race, if we didn't
care at all then would Roger Bannister have strived to break the four minute mile? Some people might say that he did it
to better himself, I think that he did it (consciously or sub-consciously) to get approval from the sporting community (or his parents) that he was better
than anybody else at running a mile.
Would the space race even have existed if no-one really wanted approval (be it at an individual or a national level)?
Regardless of wether God exists or not (lets not go down that route) we would have created God(s) to control the masses.
"Though shalt not kill"? Why not? Who gives a damn? The answer to that is that God would dissaprove (and you don't want to mess with him!).
It's all about to what degree do we care (at a personal level) about things and therein lies the problem, it's the calibration in our heads of caring.

Going back to my problem of having low self esteem, I find myself caring more about what people think of me and therefore needing their approval probably more than most.
I work longer hours at work to try and achieve approval from my peers.

So....if I can raise my self esteem on one side of the scales then hopefully I will care less (not not care at all) on the other side of the scales about peoples
opinion of me and the balance is maintained.

I'm already worrying about the comments that this post will generate because I have been a member for less than four hours and already I have dared
to question Helgi's article, I am already concerned that the "community" will dissaprove of what I've said and respond with critisiscm of my post.
But if I am going to increase my self esteem I may as well start right here, right now. My opinion (and thats all it is) is just as valid as anyone else's.
I think it's helped just thinking this through and writing it down.

Cheers

Mark

12-24-2006, 04:23 AM	#53 (permalink)
Chips73 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: UK Posts: 2	Crikey! I only discovered this site a few hours ago and already it's helping me. Thanks first to LindaF for the original post. For me to see that other people suffer from this problem is a big relief! There have been some excellent posts in this thread, but the one that struck a chord with me was the one from "icesar". If you have low self esteem then you are more likely to care about what other people think of you and your actions. I'm not entirely sure that I agree with everything that Helgi says in his article, I don't think we can "value neither approval nor disapproval" to solve the problem, I believe it is more to do with achieving a balance of how much we care about approval and disapproval. I think that gaining approval from our peers/relatives is the underlying driving force of the human race, if we didn't care at all then would Roger Bannister have strived to break the four minute mile? Some people might say that he did it to better himself, I think that he did it (consciously or sub-consciously) to get approval from the sporting community (or his parents) that he was better than anybody else at running a mile. Would the space race even have existed if no-one really wanted approval (be it at an individual or a national level)? Regardless of wether God exists or not (lets not go down that route) we would have created God(s) to control the masses. "Though shalt not kill"? Why not? Who gives a damn? The answer to that is that God would dissaprove (and you don't want to mess with him!). It's all about to what degree do we care (at a personal level) about things and therein lies the problem, it's the calibration in our heads of caring. Going back to my problem of having low self esteem, I find myself caring more about what people think of me and therefore needing their approval probably more than most. I work longer hours at work to try and achieve approval from my peers. So....if I can raise my self esteem on one side of the scales then hopefully I will care less (not not care at all) on the other side of the scales about peoples opinion of me and the balance is maintained. I'm already worrying about the comments that this post will generate because I have been a member for less than four hours and already I have dared to question Helgi's article, I am already concerned that the "community" will dissaprove of what I've said and respond with critisiscm of my post. But if I am going to increase my self esteem I may as well start right here, right now. My opinion (and thats all it is) is just as valid as anyone else's. I think it's helped just thinking this through and writing it down. Cheers Mark