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Originally Posted by Rockchick26  I AM interesting...when i go to concerts,obviously i like the same band they do,how much more interesting could i be to them? lol As for being well read,i consider myself well read but when i talk about things i know about,usually people argue with me or they think i'm preaching to them.
Well i wasnt blessed with the gift of wit,when other people are being funny back and forth i'm too busy laughing at what they said and then i can never think of anything to add. If i do try to inject something,i'm usually talked over,or whatever i said was never as funny as what everyone else is saying. I'm also shy so i have a hard time talking at all and i really have a hard time speaking normally if i'm a bit nervous. I'm sure thats 90% of my problem,and the fact that i dont have good opportunities for other people to get to know me (meaning when i do meet new people,its always just one time)
I AM myself,and i'm beginning to think thats the problem. I mean,i know i am a cool person and i like myself and i know i deserve to be able to make friends...but there is obviously something about me that turns most people off. I wish i could hang out with a bunch of social behavior critics and they could tell me what it is,but its not like i can change my personality though,so i dont know if any of this will help  |
I wanted to ask, are you being 110% honest with yourself, brutally honest? Because, if you were cool and engaging and interesting, then you'd be beating new friends away with a stick. Because you aren't, that would indicate that what you do doesn't work. It's not wrong, or bad, it just doesn't give you the results you need. In order to improve in the areas to get results, first you need to know which areas they are, and to find them out you need to be fully truthful with yourself.
As for being cool, I always dislike "cool" people. I prefer easy going, "whatever happens, happens" kinda people. If you say "that's what cool means!" then I have to say, you've got it in the wrong order. People who are laid back are cool, but people who try to be cool aren't laid back.
So are you actually laid back and easy going, or do you try hard to be laid back and easy going to the point where you have to constantly think at a million miles per hour about everything everyone is saying and doing?
As for being interesting, people go to a concert because they like the music. Someone else who likes the music is kinda "eh". That's why you are there too right. Now, if you could talk about why you like the music, or what you get up to while listening to music, or other kinds of music that you like, and why you like it. Good friends normally have at least 8 or 9 things in common. There's also a big difference between discussing something and telling someone something. If you are just spurting facts, or lecturing people, of course they'll get defensive. If what you say enhances the conversation though, and makes the other people feel included and feel like they can contribute, that's what draws them in, and makes them open up.
You know I could go on for weeks about how to improve social skills, but honestly, if someone is willing and open to it, and they are being 100% honest to themselves about their current level of ability, and they go searching for information about it, then they'll improve. Without the willingness, honesty and learning strategy though, they'll fail to improve.