Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - I seem to have a hard time making friends/connections with people

evevera · 10-23-2008, 12:58 PM

I'm curious now, Rockchick26 what music are you into? lol

I don't know anyone who likes the same music I like, but I expect that and I'm used to it. It's also hard just to find anyone who likes anything I like, but I'm also a bit closed off so I don't reveal everything about myself either.

It always amazes me the people that can just talk about themselves like its the easiest thing in the world. Unless I know you and feel comfortable with you, I don't feel comfortable sharing myself. Maybe that's not that weird, but still, there's very few people that can make me feel comfortable straight away.

But enough about me LOL

Everyone's advice is good but you must be doing something that is driving people away Rockchick26. I admire that you try things and continue to battle through it. That's very courageous.

Do you think perhaps you might be coming off as a bit desperate? I mean you sound so frustrated about it that you probably do things that is self-sabotaging in the moment that you don't even realize. And these would very small things that no one would even be able to describe.

How do you dress? Present yourself? You don't smell do you? =P Assuming you keep clean and look decent most of the time, when you go out, do you feel good or are you constantly worrying about things or wondering why no one ever comes up to you.

Are you right with other areas of your life?

When you go out to public places, dont worry about finding new friends, just think about it as interacting with people. As situations come up where you know you could say something, do it, but don't worry if people ignore you (some will), but who cares about them, you're not talking to them, you're talking to whoever just happens to be standing there lol.

You'll find most people are nice.. now after you start some conversation, here's the tricky part... knowing when you LEAVE the conversation. Best to leave just as things are getting good lol, keep the energy high as you head out, that's a good way for people to remember you, and to laugh and joke a lot.

Next time, go to the same place (this works better if you know the person will turn up around same time/place at a later date). Then just smile say hi, and start chatting again. Don't drill them with questions, just be normal and casual. Talk about the environment (don't talk about them unless they want to or ask about you), or do it slowly.

I'm not an expert in this or anything, but just something you might want to try. If you're having too much emphasis on the 'friendship' ppl will see you as desperate and back away.

If you just act normal like you don't care if they want your friendship, you're just going to have a good time and if they interest you, you'll talk to them lol, might go better for you that way.

10-23-2008, 12:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
evevera Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 41	I'm curious now, Rockchick26 what music are you into? lol I don't know anyone who likes the same music I like, but I expect that and I'm used to it. It's also hard just to find anyone who likes anything I like, but I'm also a bit closed off so I don't reveal everything about myself either. It always amazes me the people that can just talk about themselves like its the easiest thing in the world. Unless I know you and feel comfortable with you, I don't feel comfortable sharing myself. Maybe that's not that weird, but still, there's very few people that can make me feel comfortable straight away. But enough about me LOL Everyone's advice is good but you must be doing something that is driving people away Rockchick26. I admire that you try things and continue to battle through it. That's very courageous. Do you think perhaps you might be coming off as a bit desperate? I mean you sound so frustrated about it that you probably do things that is self-sabotaging in the moment that you don't even realize. And these would very small things that no one would even be able to describe. How do you dress? Present yourself? You don't smell do you? =P Assuming you keep clean and look decent most of the time, when you go out, do you feel good or are you constantly worrying about things or wondering why no one ever comes up to you. Are you right with other areas of your life? When you go out to public places, dont worry about finding new friends, just think about it as interacting with people. As situations come up where you know you could say something, do it, but don't worry if people ignore you (some will), but who cares about them, you're not talking to them, you're talking to whoever just happens to be standing there lol. You'll find most people are nice.. now after you start some conversation, here's the tricky part... knowing when you LEAVE the conversation. Best to leave just as things are getting good lol, keep the energy high as you head out, that's a good way for people to remember you, and to laugh and joke a lot. Next time, go to the same place (this works better if you know the person will turn up around same time/place at a later date). Then just smile say hi, and start chatting again. Don't drill them with questions, just be normal and casual. Talk about the environment (don't talk about them unless they want to or ask about you), or do it slowly. I'm not an expert in this or anything, but just something you might want to try. If you're having too much emphasis on the 'friendship' ppl will see you as desperate and back away. If you just act normal like you don't care if they want your friendship, you're just going to have a good time and if they interest you, you'll talk to them lol, might go better for you that way.