First of all a delayed thanx for the advice!
Well, I went to his town Sunday afternoon… it wasn’t clear in my head if I wanted to talk to him and open up, because part of me wanted to go and have a good time with him since I have missed him so much. He felt a little sick when I arrived so we stayed at his place watching movies, playing on-line games and having small conversations about everything. Then we went for sleep (slept together in his bed – no sex), and the next day we went for a big walk and talked and laughed and I was thinking that I don’t want to lose him from my life, but I can’t have him the way I want either.
Well, I couln’t restrain, so before getting on the train I asked him about what kind of relationship do we have… he said we can’t be anything more than friends right now. He is joining the army in 2 weeks and the service is for one year and there is no point in making commitments since there can’t be a normal relationship that way. I asked him, if the circumstences weren’t such, would we be together now? And he told me not to ask hypothetical questions, if the circumstences were other, only then could he answer me being sure. But I said that that way he gives hopes, it’s like saying “wait for me for a year and then we ‘ll see if it can work out”. He told me not to have such hopes because life goes on. And when I told him that I was hurt that he was going to visit the other girl in her town but had never come to mine, he said he wasn’t going to see her, he just goes for some vacation before joining the army. He isn’t interested in her, they just have a good time.
And lastly… I asked him what he feels about me… he seemed embarrassed and avoided looking at me, he said he felt sympathy! And that he enjoys our time together and that he likes me, but there can be nothing more between us, since we see each other occasionally. I told him that if 2 people want each other they can overcome any obstacles, and he replied that that’s the case only if there is something strong between them already, which isn’t our case (since because of the distance, we hadn't spent much time together and let feelings develop from his part). Then we said goodbye… he told me to talk to him on msn, only if I want to continue the communication – it’s up to me. We haven’t talked since then.
What can I say? From his point of view, he is right. He is willing to be in a relationship with me only under the right circumstances. I will move to his town in 6 months, and he will be “free” again in a year. But I think there is no point in me waiting for him since he doesn’t feel the same way. I want a relationship right now, but only with him
So, I am confused again… and sure I can’t cut off completely. I can stand being only friends, I want to be in his life, but I don’t want to get hurt again. And surely I don’t want to put my life on hold – like not dating anyone else ect.
What do you think? If you truly feel that you belong with a certain person, is it worthy to wait? (in the same time respecting your own self and needs?)