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Tex2008 · 10-21-2008, 04:50 PM

Hello everyone. Never thought I would be asking for advice on a message board but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get peoples' opinions. It appears people actually post and reply on this forum so here I go.

I dated an amazing girl in college for 2 years. We had a good relationship. We had fun together and at the same time we were able to maintain our independence of each other. Towards the end of my college career I became scared when I took my first job which moved me to a city I knew she didn't want to move to. I was frustrated because she didn't seem to care much where I ended up. She still had a year left in school after I graduated and I wanted to have an idea of where to move. After much frustration and seeing that things weren't really coming together like I thought they should for a couple considering to get married I broke up with her. That was almost 2 years ago. After about 6 months we started talking again. Since then, we have remained in contact. It has always been a long distance thing so most of our communication has been over the phone. We have hung out a few times since the break up. In fact, I just saw her this past weekend and will see her again in a few weeks.

8 months ago I began to realize that I still have feelings for her and that I believe she is the girl I want to marry. I have told her a few times that I still have feelings for her and that I think we have a future together. I have not gotten much out of her, because she might be scared or because she has a lot going on. She quit her job over the summer to pursue medical school. She talks like she may be in school for 10 years! I am slightly intimidated by this because I have heard stories of couples where one is in medical school. Evidently, it is not easy. I have some friends in medical school and I know it is very time-consuming and hard. Even though this might be the case, my feelings for her remain unchanged. However, now, she uses the excuse that she is too busy to date anyone right now. I'm frustrated at this because we dated for two years and we still talk, it's not like I'm some new guy coming along wanting to get to know her. We have known each other for 4.5 years! Still, two years have passed and we still talk and laugh and have fun together when we do have the chance to hang out. The fact she is still willing to talk to me and hang out with me has to say something, right?

She currently lives nearly 400 miles away so it doesn't make it easy to see her. Plus, she has no idea where she will end up for school. I am mobile and willing to relocate (I have a good job, but I don't see myself doing this forever nor living where I live forever). We could end up in the same place or a lot closer in the near future. Her response when I initially told her I see a future with her leaned more heavily on the negative side, but she still left room for the possibility, though a rare possibility. I will see her again in a couple of weeks and I am thinking about just coming out and telling her I love her (pretty heavy I know). Any advice on whether I should do this?

Logically speaking, the cards are stacked against me (distance, the unknowns of location, her negative response, etc.) but I can't put her out of my mind because of these issues. I'm not fully convinced that she doesn't want to be with me again. We are still friends and we still talk and things aren't weird, even after I shared with her how I feel. I don't want to come across as needy or a pansy but I do want to be honest with her. Should I remain persistent or should I give up on her and move on? Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!

10-21-2008, 04:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tex2008 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 20	Should I Give Up on Her? Hello everyone. Never thought I would be asking for advice on a message board but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get peoples' opinions. It appears people actually post and reply on this forum so here I go. I dated an amazing girl in college for 2 years. We had a good relationship. We had fun together and at the same time we were able to maintain our independence of each other. Towards the end of my college career I became scared when I took my first job which moved me to a city I knew she didn't want to move to. I was frustrated because she didn't seem to care much where I ended up. She still had a year left in school after I graduated and I wanted to have an idea of where to move. After much frustration and seeing that things weren't really coming together like I thought they should for a couple considering to get married I broke up with her. That was almost 2 years ago. After about 6 months we started talking again. Since then, we have remained in contact. It has always been a long distance thing so most of our communication has been over the phone. We have hung out a few times since the break up. In fact, I just saw her this past weekend and will see her again in a few weeks. 8 months ago I began to realize that I still have feelings for her and that I believe she is the girl I want to marry. I have told her a few times that I still have feelings for her and that I think we have a future together. I have not gotten much out of her, because she might be scared or because she has a lot going on. She quit her job over the summer to pursue medical school. She talks like she may be in school for 10 years! I am slightly intimidated by this because I have heard stories of couples where one is in medical school. Evidently, it is not easy. I have some friends in medical school and I know it is very time-consuming and hard. Even though this might be the case, my feelings for her remain unchanged. However, now, she uses the excuse that she is too busy to date anyone right now. I'm frustrated at this because we dated for two years and we still talk, it's not like I'm some new guy coming along wanting to get to know her. We have known each other for 4.5 years! Still, two years have passed and we still talk and laugh and have fun together when we do have the chance to hang out. The fact she is still willing to talk to me and hang out with me has to say something, right? She currently lives nearly 400 miles away so it doesn't make it easy to see her. Plus, she has no idea where she will end up for school. I am mobile and willing to relocate (I have a good job, but I don't see myself doing this forever nor living where I live forever). We could end up in the same place or a lot closer in the near future. Her response when I initially told her I see a future with her leaned more heavily on the negative side, but she still left room for the possibility, though a rare possibility. I will see her again in a couple of weeks and I am thinking about just coming out and telling her I love her (pretty heavy I know). Any advice on whether I should do this? Logically speaking, the cards are stacked against me (distance, the unknowns of location, her negative response, etc.) but I can't put her out of my mind because of these issues. I'm not fully convinced that she doesn't want to be with me again. We are still friends and we still talk and things aren't weird, even after I shared with her how I feel. I don't want to come across as needy or a pansy but I do want to be honest with her. Should I remain persistent or should I give up on her and move on? Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!