Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Is your significant other unwilling to grow with you?

justin · 10-21-2008, 02:37 PM

My S.O. and I have been together for over five years, and everything has been fairly normal in our relationship. We have the regular ups and downs, but one major difference is she shows very few signs that she has any interest in growing herself or our relationship. (I'm sure there are differences on my side, too, of course.) Especially as of late, I notice that she (and we) have been in a bit of a stagnant rut. She has a job she doesn't like and isn't willing to take action to rectify the situation, and our time spent together has lost its zest. I approached her to talk about the situation, and offer any help to help her (and us), but this is where things went sour.

She is very resistant to growth, and assumes anytime I want to talk about bettering our relationship that something is wrong in the first place. I reassure her that nothing is wrong, per se, but that we should always seek to grow, even when we feel things couldn't get any better. She's very resistant to this, and it's waring on me. I get the feeling that she's resistant to even talking about this because it means she will have to be truthful with herself and take action, and this causes even more stress. I mentioned this, but she neither confirmed nor denied.

What are some ways to handle this situation? I don't want to break up with her -- we are getting close to the point of marriage -- but I also want to be in a satisfying relationship. Is this something that I should overlook as a part of her personality? I don't want her to be exactly like me, of course, and I'm not asking her to change anything in particular, only to put forth extra effort into making our relationship special. This seems like a reasonable request.

10-21-2008, 02:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
justin Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: United States Posts: 42	Is your significant other unwilling to grow with you? My S.O. and I have been together for over five years, and everything has been fairly normal in our relationship. We have the regular ups and downs, but one major difference is she shows very few signs that she has any interest in growing herself or our relationship. (I'm sure there are differences on my side, too, of course.) Especially as of late, I notice that she (and we) have been in a bit of a stagnant rut. She has a job she doesn't like and isn't willing to take action to rectify the situation, and our time spent together has lost its zest. I approached her to talk about the situation, and offer any help to help her (and us), but this is where things went sour. She is very resistant to growth, and assumes anytime I want to talk about bettering our relationship that something is wrong in the first place. I reassure her that nothing is wrong, per se, but that we should always seek to grow, even when we feel things couldn't get any better. She's very resistant to this, and it's waring on me. I get the feeling that she's resistant to even talking about this because it means she will have to be truthful with herself and take action, and this causes even more stress. I mentioned this, but she neither confirmed nor denied. What are some ways to handle this situation? I don't want to break up with her -- we are getting close to the point of marriage -- but I also want to be in a satisfying relationship. Is this something that I should overlook as a part of her personality? I don't want her to be exactly like me, of course, and I'm not asking her to change anything in particular, only to put forth extra effort into making our relationship special. This seems like a reasonable request.