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Originally Posted by Liminal Chris  Okay, I need some advice because I am not sure what to do.
Back in College, I "hung out" with this girl for a few monthes. I would say date, but it wasn't that serious. At that point in my life, I generally wasn't looking for anything permanent. Anyways one night she was at a bar, and someone else kissed her. Basically, word got back to me and something had been lost in translation. I was pissed (and immature), so instead of talking about it with her, I just stopped talking to her all together. Total silent treatment.
Fast forward two years, I graduated and was visiting my college and I ran into her. Something inside me made me talk to her, anyways she tore me a new one. We talked it about it and hashed it out, both lamenting that this conversation didn't happen two years ago.
So a month later, she starts IMing me and Texting me and lets me know shes moving down to my area. In fact, she's moving 5 minutes away from where I live. So she moves down, we hang out more, and somewhere along the way I developed feelings for her. she's beautiful, smart, funny, and fun. She's the full package, and I'm pretty picky. However, I'm swamped with law school and work. Anyways, I let her know how I feel; and she gives me the "I'm torn. I like you a lot but... Let's just be friends".
Needless to say, I was crushed. I didn't exactly know how to approach the situation. It's actually the first time I have been flat out rejected, and maybe I'm an idiot but I didn't see it coming til after it happened, then hindsight was 20/20.
She wanted to know if we could still be friends and basically the only thing I could say was that I do want to be friends with her, but I don't think I do that right now. It will take time.
Anyways, I am not sure if thats a smart idea anyways. I mean I feel like being around her is just going to be a constant downer for me. Being stuck in the friend zone with a girl you really like is torture, but at the same time, I really like her.
I'm torn, and I need some advice, thanks |
Since you're sitting on the fence on this one and asking for input, let's see if she is messing with you or has any intentions to do something with you.
BTW - just my personal opinion, you shouldn't have spilled the beans and told her you had feelings for her and all that. Always let her start that conversation and let her fill you in on her feelings - you basically set yourself up for that fall.
Play the little to no contact game. If she texts you, limit your responses, don't get detailed, just say "Hi, got to go, busy right now", stuff like that. Don't be taking her out for lunch, dinner, buying gifts to show her you like her, etc. Do your own thing and keep busy. If you have time in your busy schedule, date a bit, nothing serious but get out there and enjoy yourself - limiting your contact with her and showing her that you are seeing other people and living a full life gives her the message that you have alot of value and you aren't sitting in your room thinking about her all day. If she is into you, she'll come around and let you know and at that point, you will be determining if want to pursue a relationship with her or not and at that point, maybe you won't.
Starting a post on this website about this girl and this experience tells me you still have a pretty strong attraction towards this girl, which is cool, just don't let her know that. If she knows that, it basically kills the attraction, she knows she can have you at any time and that really brings down her perception of your value.
Being just friends with a girl that you are really attracted to and have feelings for is pretty much communicating to her that have no value and will take what she gives you - not a good message for you or her plus it would be a constant daily reminder of what you don't have in your life and nobody needs that.
Good Luck bro, let us know what happens next.