I'm very grateful for your reply, and the suggestions you've given me. I feel somewhat silly after reading my post again, because I don't really expect anyone to really listen and try to understand my situation. In some ways, I think it is just a mechanism of release for me. It puts a smile on my face to know that you went through the trouble of reading my story and trying to empathize with my situation and offer useful advice.
Memories I have of her do 'haunt' me. I don't think I can find a better word for it. I struggle to reconcile the good memories, as everything we shared seems tainted now. I'm more sad than angry, but I will never understand why she handled it the way that she did. I would never have stood in her way if she wanted to go. I loved her enough not to hold her back from her ambitions and her desires. I just wanted the best for her. If it ended, it didn't have to be this way. But I digress. These are the kinds of thoughts that loop through my mind.
I'm going to listen to your suggestions, and keep pushing forward to process the feelings I have. Thank you.
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