[Lara]

continued from Part I:

Originally Posted by robc

Maybe you are mad at your actions for loaning money and providing for him - you possibly gave him financial means so that he might return something else to you: love, friendship, intimacy?

Not at all. I saw a desperate man in need and helped.

Originally Posted by robc

When you give something to somebody and expect something from them because of it, that is the definition of manipulation and that is horrible for relationships.

This manipulation theme runs throughout your response to me. Have you had problems with manipulation? Often people who are so concerned with the subject of manipulation have issues with it themselves - either as manipulator or the person who has been manipulated. Which were you?

Originally Posted by robc

The people that are with you begin to feel that they have a price when it comes to dealing with you, if you do something for them, they have to pay you back or be grateful - in a perfect world, reciprocation would be equal at both ends but we all know that doesn't work in real life.

It's interesting you say that. He kept trying to make me feel obligated to him by doing things for me, quite often things I did not ask him to do and would never have asked him to do, also he did things that did not have to be done. And often, after he did something he would remind me over and over and tell others about how he had helped me.

Originally Posted by robc

Another thing you brought up was that he damaged relationships with old friends and became friends with those people and now you don't know if you will be able to repair those relationships with those people. You introduced him to your group of friends, isn't it logical to assume he might become friends with them as well. And do you really think someone has so much power of persuasion that all of your old friends would leave you at his bidding? Isn't it possible that your behavior with your old friends was similar to what it was with your ex? If so, isn't it possible that they began disliking this behavior and started distancing themselves from you because of it.

Again, an interesting take or interpretation. I've known these people a great deal longer than I've known him. Many of them are business associates I've introduced him to to help him find the work he needed. As I mentioned above, I've spoken with them and we're all clear on what happened. He took them in with lies and innuendos and also borrowed large sums of money from a couple of them. He played us all off each other so we wouldn't compare notes. It was a con.

Originally Posted by robc

In the end, this is an online forum. I don't know you or your ex or your friends. But from my point of view based on the limited posts in this specific thread, I saw a recurring theme of "I need this... and he refuses to do this that I ask.... he took my friends away.... he doesn't conversate with me the way I want him too... I gave him money and he didn't treat me the way I wanted..." etc. etc. etc.

It's interesting that you saw it that way. I'll have to pay better attention when I am writing and not write when I am as distraught as I was the night of that first post - especially in an online forum.

Night and day, geese and cows!

Originally Posted by robc

You were attracted into a relationship with him at one point and you chose to prolong that relationship with him because he exhibited specific traits that you enjoyed and wanted to continue experiencing. Love may also be involved. Hate too possibly.

The relationship is over.
Quite true - Love - Agape love, unconditional love one human being for another - was definitely involved. I still Love him and pray for the best outcome for him - I just do not want his negative energy around me.

Hate? No, never hate. Hate is a waste of energy and very bad for the Universe. Did you know hate can give you pimples and make you look ugly. Not good. Not good at all.

Love is better by far.

As for the rest of your quote RobC - I leave that for you to re-read and contemplate for yourself and for others who may pass this way and read our discussion and benefit from it's wisdom.

It is very good advice.

Originally Posted by robc

I suggest (just a suggestion, you're free to do what ever you want), you live your life the way you want to live it and allow others to do the same thing. And as far as your friends are concerned, if they are really your friends, they won't drop you like yesterday's newspaper - good friends are just that, good friends, they accept you despite your flaws. It's a good rule of thumb, accept people as they are and they will accept you as you are - when you start controlling people and act negatively around them, people will instinctively remove themselves from this type of environment because it doesn't feel good to be around.

Let go of the need to control other people and their actions and focus on controlling your thoughts & actions, that is really the only amount of control you have.
Be happy, don't be happy, enjoy your life, don't enjoy your life, accept people as they are, don't accept people as they are. Just remember, in the end, your actions determine the quality of your life, your own personal happiness and whether or not you attract other people in your life to share experiences with you.
No one can make you happy except for you. People don't make you happy, you make yourself happy.

Peace and Love to you my friend ((((RobC))) Thank you for caring.
Lara