[Lara]

I'm going to respond between the lines as you 'read between the lines'

Please don't get me wrong RobC but really, your response is completely off target. I don't blame you for that. I did not present specific facts. Most of what I said, in retrospect, was a surface description of what was going on so I can see how you could internalize, project, interpret according to what associations my word conjured up in your mind.

No problem.

For more clarification the fact is this person and I had a platonic relationship. We were not romantically involved. We were friends.

So to begin :

Originally Posted by robc

And don't take anything of what I'm putting together here personally, it's just an observation after reading what you've said.

I promise not to take any of it personally as none f it, applies to the situation or to me. In light of the fact that you didn't have all the facts it's interesting that you interpreted the situation the way you did.

Originally Posted by robc

You need people in your life to be on the same page as you.

By the 'same page' I meant discussing peas if we are discussing peas. I also meant paying attention to what is being discussed and responding to those topics.

Originally Posted by robc

This sounds very controlling & manipulative - the very thing you are accusing your ex of being towards you.

Interesting leap there - Unfortunately not so. Part of the problem was his being so sneaky, controlling and manipulative. It took me awhile to realize it, but that's what was happening. It's my nature to believe that people are what they present themselves to be. He appeared to be a little rough around the edges but basically an honest person down on his luck; a victim of circumstances.

Originally Posted by robc

Why can't you allow people in your life to be as they are and accept them.

I couldn't be who I am if I did not allow everyone to be who and what they are. To be able to love others unconditionally we must be able to allow other to be as thay are without judgment or conditions.

Originally Posted by robc

If people fall out of line and don't conform to your views & opinions, then they can't exist with you.

Not at all I love and thrive on diversity in relationships, without it where would we be? If everyone believed, did and said the things I do, say and believe, life on this planet would be boring.

Originally Posted by robc

Is it possible that the harmony you seek with other people, is not with those other people but with yourself.

I am a calm harmonious person inside - usually. I teach meditation and have done for over 20 years. That's why the final confirmations of what this man was up to was such a surprise and so upsetting an experience.

For the longest time I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. I thought I was becoming senile at a young age. Have you ever seen the black and white classic movie Gas Light with Jame Mason? It's about a man who purposefully drives his wife crazy by moving things around to make her believe she was losing her mind. I think he was trying to get her to commit suicide so he could collect the insurance. She almost did but he tipped his hand and she was finally on to him. Great classic. Anyway my friend was actually doing things like that. He was deliberately trying to make me believe I was losing it so he could have more control of the running of things. He became upset with me when I drew the line at co-signing a large loan he wanted.

Originally Posted by robc

Control is an illusion, in reality you have very little control over pretty much everything including yourself. In fact, that is pretty much the reason you are angry and have found it difficult to find sanity & peace in your life.

Are you a shrink by profession? You sound like one.

I am at peace - I worked long and hard to Be at peace within myself and the world and have enjoyed that gift for many years now.

Over the last few months however I found that due to certain actions and the behavior of this person my peace was being eroded. When we got together to go over some business or socially he would start out by being normal but his behavior would soon disintegrate into angry and aggressive baiting, complaining, spiraling talk. He was very passive aggressive. People stopped talking to me and acted odd with me. I talked with them recently and discovered what the problem was. He had been telling them I said things about them that just weren't true. He'd also borrowed large sums of money from some of them.

Originally Posted by robc

You also mentioned that your ex denies reality and refuses to work with you.

Again this was a platonic relationship - in fact he was a protegee. I met him when he was almost homeless and helped him start a new life. He was in very bad shape mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I took him under my wing, helped him to find work and gave him work to do. He was around quite a bit and became a confidant in business and social matters. Last year, when I started rewriting my will his demeanor and behavior toward me changed radically. I had discussed the will with him asking his advice about how to divide my estate fairly amongst my family and friends (including him). Perhaps he thought he should have been left more than I was leaving him.

Originally Posted by robc

What must he do to make you happy.

He's done it. He is gone now. I asked him to move out of the guest house last week. I made sure he has a nice new apartment and have paid his rent for a year in advance.

Originally Posted by robc

What would he have to do that allow you to be happy with him? He refuses to work with you - again this sounds like your trying to control his actions and his responses. Aren't we all individuals, aren't we allowed to behave the way we want. People rebel against people who try to control them, this is possibly what you may be seeing here - he doesn't want to listen to you because you are trying to make him do something. Let him be, focus on yourself.

Are you talking about me or about an experience of your own. I don't mean to pry but you seem quite passionate in your detailed response. If he had agreed to see a professional I would have continued to be his friend and support him as such.

By 'refusing to work with me' I mean he gave lip service to the work we were doing together. He wanted an instant spiritual fix and as I am sure you know, there is no such thing.

Originally Posted by robc

Disengaging from the "struggle" as you put it probably did feel good, you let go of the need to control something/somebody and the energy you invested in that effort returned to you and allowed you to use it for yourself.

Disengaging from the struggle with someone who was no longer willing to work for his own liberation does not actually feel good. Letting go of the feeling that it was my failure did feel good. My work is to help people

with a great deal of potential to open to their life purpose. For the first time in my long life of helping people to do that quite successfully I've met someone so damaged, he thought he could con his way through the process. He would not do the foot work.

Originally Posted by robc

You mentioned that he was using you financially, did he force you at gun point to give him money?

Well if by "at gun point" you mean that he pointed a gun to his own head and said he was going to blow his brains out - my answer would be yes.

As I said , when we met he was just about to become homeless. He could not hold down a job, and was using drugs. He had no friends or family and I took him in.
(Continued in part II)...............................