Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - When being friends with Desperate (cheating) Housewives drains you

C33 · 12-22-2006, 10:49 PM

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and appreciate the great information available.

I stumbled onto this site by looking for advice/information/enlightnement about friendships, especially about friendships that do not work anymore and feel empowering.

Let me tell you a bit about where I am at now, so that you can evaluate the situation better:

I have lost my dad about 7 months ago and have relocated to my childhood home( left America to come to Europe and take care of him), am single, midlle aged .I have a lot of time on my hand which I love, and I am not working which I love even better, I am a creative,non conformist/highly individualistic/feminist person who is now surrounded by the cast of Desperate Housewives minus the fashion and the hot climate and the totally cool single Eddie Briggs.

I find myself with no parents or family warmth of any kind, which I have come to accept, but I can t extend any more energy to the marital problems of my friends or anything that is not a life or death situation. I need time and energy to grieve. Through my father's illness and passing, my friends have been there for me and showed compassion and warmth of a great magnitude.Yet 2 days after his passing one of them called me to tell me about her sexual encounter with some random guy in great details. I am not a prude but this irked me, she even appologized about her crudeness at such a time of my life.

I have told my cheating friends that I need to be alone right now but the truth is: I CAN T be around them and listen to their stories of extra marital affairs.None of them accepts the outcome of such an attitude

ivorce, financial strain, leaving the comfort of their house and having to re enter the work force. It seems that they want to have it all:great family, lover, financial comfort and the opportunity to constantly whine about their husbands.

They know that I am ethically against infidelity in a relationship and I have told them many time that, as a single person, I would never want to be involved with someone who is married, even if that person would be without children. I realize that this is a very personal opinion and that everyon.e is entitled to his own.

Yesterday, one of my gfriends came to my home to pack her Christmas present for her lover, she asked me once if she could tell her husband that she is staying with me so she could be with her lover and I said no, my other cheating gfriend used me as an alibi WITHOUT asking me. They seem to be completely oblivious of any feelings I might have towards being involved. I am a great listener and always act compassionate and empathic, but always end up feeling used as a sympathetic ear for their problems. They know I have many creative endeavors I value but never voice any interest in my art or my writing.When we meet they spend 80% of the time talking about their lovers.

I am tired of this.It has come to the point when I want to stop being friends with them. It has been untolerable at times to be around them, because they speak mostly of their lovers and/or complain about their husbands. This has been going on for years but this is the first time I am staying in my hometown for a significant period of time, therefore I never had to bear this all year round.

These women are my closest and dearest friends, they are nice, decent individuals, but I don t have the energy anymore to take on other people s problems, when these problems are self created.

Also their disloyalty towards their husband; their lying and cheating behavior make me question my judgement about them.I have thought about telling them honestly how I feel , but I am not sure they would be understanding since they always allude to the fact that, being single, I do not know the challenges of marriage.

I am very angry at them for not respecting my grieving time and my desire to be in peace and I need advice/wisdom from people outside our circle.

Thank you for reading so far.

12-22-2006, 10:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
C33 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 623	When being friends with Desperate (cheating) Housewives drains you Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and appreciate the great information available. I stumbled onto this site by looking for advice/information/enlightnement about friendships, especially about friendships that do not work anymore and feel empowering. Let me tell you a bit about where I am at now, so that you can evaluate the situation better: I have lost my dad about 7 months ago and have relocated to my childhood home( left America to come to Europe and take care of him), am single, midlle aged .I have a lot of time on my hand which I love, and I am not working which I love even better, I am a creative,non conformist/highly individualistic/feminist person who is now surrounded by the cast of Desperate Housewives minus the fashion and the hot climate and the totally cool single Eddie Briggs. I find myself with no parents or family warmth of any kind, which I have come to accept, but I can t extend any more energy to the marital problems of my friends or anything that is not a life or death situation. I need time and energy to grieve. Through my father's illness and passing, my friends have been there for me and showed compassion and warmth of a great magnitude.Yet 2 days after his passing one of them called me to tell me about her sexual encounter with some random guy in great details. I am not a prude but this irked me, she even appologized about her crudeness at such a time of my life. I have told my cheating friends that I need to be alone right now but the truth is: I CAN T be around them and listen to their stories of extra marital affairs.None of them accepts the outcome of such an attitudeivorce, financial strain, leaving the comfort of their house and having to re enter the work force. It seems that they want to have it all:great family, lover, financial comfort and the opportunity to constantly whine about their husbands. They know that I am ethically against infidelity in a relationship and I have told them many time that, as a single person, I would never want to be involved with someone who is married, even if that person would be without children. I realize that this is a very personal opinion and that everyon.e is entitled to his own. Yesterday, one of my gfriends came to my home to pack her Christmas present for her lover, she asked me once if she could tell her husband that she is staying with me so she could be with her lover and I said no, my other cheating gfriend used me as an alibi WITHOUT asking me. They seem to be completely oblivious of any feelings I might have towards being involved. I am a great listener and always act compassionate and empathic, but always end up feeling used as a sympathetic ear for their problems. They know I have many creative endeavors I value but never voice any interest in my art or my writing.When we meet they spend 80% of the time talking about their lovers. I am tired of this.It has come to the point when I want to stop being friends with them. It has been untolerable at times to be around them, because they speak mostly of their lovers and/or complain about their husbands. This has been going on for years but this is the first time I am staying in my hometown for a significant period of time, therefore I never had to bear this all year round. These women are my closest and dearest friends, they are nice, decent individuals, but I don t have the energy anymore to take on other people s problems, when these problems are self created. Also their disloyalty towards their husband; their lying and cheating behavior make me question my judgement about them.I have thought about telling them honestly how I feel , but I am not sure they would be understanding since they always allude to the fact that, being single, I do not know the challenges of marriage. I am very angry at them for not respecting my grieving time and my desire to be in peace and I need advice/wisdom from people outside our circle. Thank you for reading so far.