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MissK · 10-17-2008, 07:10 PM

Hi everyone. I just want to say i love everyone in this forum and thank you all so much for the great advice you always have.

So I am a background person. I freeze up almost whenever people are looking at me. Its funny because i have a confident exterior but on the inside i feel all my "creativity" or the real me freezing up while the fake me starts putting on an act of conditioned responses. Sometimes it even makes me appear awkward. Lol my ability to pretend has waned. Its like i try to deflect attention away from myself automatically. Ive done a pretty great job up until now. a joke but it hurts because i know im not stepping into my real potential, disconnecting myself from people. It makes me lonely. I don't like it at all. Its not that it makes me feel unimportant but it keeps me from pursuing what i really want. I am a creative, a true performer at heart. I want to be on stage. I guess it may be a form of shyness or SA or powerful fear, but i'm really not sure. i just cant interact naturally. i hear all my limiting beliefs in my mind now as i type.. they wont like you, they'll reject you, even to the extent no one will reply to this thread... its crazy

Its also interesting because ive been becoming more present. Its the greatest experience and the more i am aware the better i feel. But literally whenever i interact, i feel myself jumping out of the now and hearing only my self talking, scrutinizing my words, my actions everything. Its like having clear focus and then sudden double vision. I'm going to attend the Landmark conference as Angela previously recommended but i'm almost afraid to go just in case it wont work for me. This feeling i've dealt with my entire life. I'm on the precipice of something great. I've never felt better in my life. I feel if i take one step the ball will get rolling, as though my finger is plugging the dam. There is a backup of creative energy within me that needs to be expressed and its actually turning on my body and i'm starting to feel like booty lol, but i cannot shake this feeling of not wanting the scrutiny. Any advice?

10-17-2008, 07:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
MissK Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 41	Social anxiety maybe? Hi everyone. I just want to say i love everyone in this forum and thank you all so much for the great advice you always have. So I am a background person. I freeze up almost whenever people are looking at me. Its funny because i have a confident exterior but on the inside i feel all my "creativity" or the real me freezing up while the fake me starts putting on an act of conditioned responses. Sometimes it even makes me appear awkward. Lol my ability to pretend has waned. Its like i try to deflect attention away from myself automatically. Ive done a pretty great job up until now. a joke but it hurts because i know im not stepping into my real potential, disconnecting myself from people. It makes me lonely. I don't like it at all. Its not that it makes me feel unimportant but it keeps me from pursuing what i really want. I am a creative, a true performer at heart. I want to be on stage. I guess it may be a form of shyness or SA or powerful fear, but i'm really not sure. i just cant interact naturally. i hear all my limiting beliefs in my mind now as i type.. they wont like you, they'll reject you, even to the extent no one will reply to this thread... its crazy Its also interesting because ive been becoming more present. Its the greatest experience and the more i am aware the better i feel. But literally whenever i interact, i feel myself jumping out of the now and hearing only my self talking, scrutinizing my words, my actions everything. Its like having clear focus and then sudden double vision. I'm going to attend the Landmark conference as Angela previously recommended but i'm almost afraid to go just in case it wont work for me. This feeling i've dealt with my entire life. I'm on the precipice of something great. I've never felt better in my life. I feel if i take one step the ball will get rolling, as though my finger is plugging the dam. There is a backup of creative energy within me that needs to be expressed and its actually turning on my body and i'm starting to feel like booty lol, but i cannot shake this feeling of not wanting the scrutiny. Any advice? Last edited by MissK; 10-17-2008 at 07:14 PM.