Hello everyone,
I am new to the forum, I have read many threads already and found it so helpful and inspiring in so many ways! So, thanx in advance for taking the time to read what bothers me…
Well… I met the guy I fell in love with 2 years ago. We met in a chat-room, we were interested in each other from the beginning and started to talk everyday, msn and phone – calls. We wanted to meet but there was the distance problem… we live 300 miles apart. He made it clear that long – distance relationships don’t work out and that he wouldn’t want to get involved into something like this, because he wants to settle in his next relationship. He had been cheated by his previous girlfriends and had some trust issues as well… But the communication between us went on, and six months later I went to his town and we met and I fell in love with him and told him so. He was rather reserved, he told me that you can’t fall in love with someone if you don’t see him often, experience life events with him, get to know him in everyday life. I was so dissapointed… I went back to my town and got involved with someone else, out of my hurt ego… But it didn’t last with the other guy, I went back to him. And I made the mistake of telling him about my “affair”. From then on, he used it as an excuse that he was right not trusting me from the beginning, and told me I had proven to him that I wasn’t in love with him since I had slept with somebody else.
Time went by, we met several times (i went to the town he lived) and each time we had sex… I was broken – hearted afterwards because it clearly meant nothing more to him, whereas what I always wanted was to be finally with him (and I was fool enough to think that sex would bring us closer…) Anyway, last year he met someone new in his town and started dating her, but he told her he wanted a free relationship since he doesn’t want commitment. He told me we should be friends and I accepted that, I wanted him in my life every way possible! But the “friends” thing lasted only till we met again, and we had sex again, and I told him I didn’t care about the other girl, and that I love him but I know I can’t expect anything from him now because of the circumstances. (He joins the army in a month - in my country army service is obligatory – and as for the distance problem… I will move to his town in 5 months after I get my degree from college first).
I have made so many mistakes… he is a difficult person, and so am I, but I know we would be well together. How can it be that you find what feel is the perfect match, but the other person doesn’t feel the same way?? I can’t see this situation as an unrecruited love, because we never had the chance to be together and see how it goes. And I know he feels things about me, he just can’t allow himself to be open and vurnerable to me since we are not in a relationship. And being cold and distant is his self-defensive mechanism.
And as for LOA and stuff… I am so confused, I use an affirmation to be with someone whom I love and he loves me back and we are together, but unconsiously dream of this “someone” to be him. Am I “blocking” other possible partners this way? By insisting on something that can’t be granted to me right away? (Even if he wants me too… the obligatory service is one year…)
I don’t know what to do. I fear that if I cut the communication completely (because it hurts me thinking about him when he sees another girl), I give space to her, and this will lead tome and him will becoming more alienated. But if I continue this situation that can’t change soon enough, I might be loosing opportunities to meet other people… so, do I let go? Supposedly, with the LOA you must let go from the final outcome. Does that mean I let go of this person as well? Both things hurt – having contact with him hoping to be together sometime in the feature, and letting go of him - stoping all contact. I just don't know what is best…
