[robc]

I don't think the dating is a bad idea at all.

I'm even thinking that the sex may not be a bad thing either.

Your husband chose to separate from you and he is the one talking about getting a divorce. Leads me to believe alot of bad blood happened between the two of you and he got tired of it and chose to make the first move.

You mentioned that you started forgiving him and looking past his flaws and started treating him better, being more kind and you noticed that it influenced and changed a part of his behavior towards you.

People can always change, I have no doubt about that. The worst person can become the best person, the person who always doubted themselves and viewed themselves as failures & quitters can literally become world beaters and accomplish anything.

You hit the nail on the head when you said that you can't do anything to change his flaws and his mistakes, you can choose to decide to forgive him and love him as is. In a nutshell, that is all you can do but there is so much power in that.

When you stop making demands, when you start acting nicely and genuine, when you start becoming more loving and attentive, when you start really loving a person that kept at such a distance for a very long period of time, you will notice that this person will react in a different way to you. I would be surprised if he didn't act better.

You can't change people but you can change yourself, your behavior, your attitude and the way you do things. And in doing so and being genuine - not putting on a show or act, particularly in relationships, you will bring out the good in your partner, what else would you expect? He has nothing to resist you on, nothing to fight you on, nothing to distance himself away from. You changed your behavior and it attracted him back to you.

As far as the physical separation, some people say space is a good thing, others will argue it's a bad thing, I really can't say either way.

But all I can say is concentrate on being a great person for yourself and you seem to be doing an awesome job - I can say that confidently because the husband that was so distant from you came close, you were physically intimate with him again and the relationship may be in an upswing.

My advice would be not to talk about the relationship and not to focus on the bad things and bad experiences - no one wants to be around people like that. Focus on making the time spent by the two of you enjoyable first & foremost for yourself - he will be attracted to you because of this. Don't do any of this just for his sake, he will lose the attraction for you quickly.

Men typically associate physical intimacy with their wives as love, I would doubt he is being physically intimate with you just for the sex - he probably misses being close to you and sharing that experience with you.

If it was just sex and you are separated, he could get that from someone new if he really wanted to, if he pursues you for physical intimacy, he is still attracted to you and the chance for reconciliation exists.

Just continue living your life, share meals with him, a coffee, and date him. Each date doesn't have to end in sex but you're an adult and that is your decision, if you want to have sex with him because you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. If you don't want to, don't. But don't just have sex with him because he wants it, he would enjoy the physical intimacy a whole lot more knowing that you wanted him just as much as he wants you.

Rebuild the bond, don't focus or talk about negative things in your past right now, there can be time for that later if necessary with a marriage therapist but right now, I would focus on making deposits in the good will "savings account" of your relationship. Act nicely to him, be good to yourself, focus on the present, let go of the past (because you can't change it) and enjoy your life.