[oBakasan]

The difference between a fantasy and a real life situation is that in the fantasy, the person remains in full control of what happens and maintains their power

I think this point from the wikipedia article shows what I meant when I said that there's something missing from the theory.

Even if the man is in control, it is only because the woman allowed him to be in control and she could revoke that right at any time (e.g. break up) therefore showing that the woman has just as much control over what's happening as the man.

Therefore what you describe as "control" is more of an "illusion of control".

I think a confusion arises in the negative connotations of the word "control";

It's not a question of negative connotations, it's a question of the word's actual meaning.

women want to be able to relax entirely into the man, to feel safe through him; and a man wants to protect the woman and feel the proof of his strength through her.

Which of course has nothing to do with your original proposition. Protecting and wanting to be protected have nothing to do with control. In fact it could be argued that since it's the man whose going out of his way to protect the woman, it's the woman who has the most control between the two.