If you'd like to take this to another thread, I'm game for a discussion, Wulfen; but I'll reply here in case this is where it stops.
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Originally Posted by Wulfen  You seem to have a good grasp on pyschology and relationships, yet here you give the OP a (IMO) very very misguided advice on how to handle his crisis, and make what seem sinde personal attacks on persons that give advice that opposes yours.
Can you clarify us your thoughs a bit? |
Heh. I didn't expect that to get noticed so quickly. So first, no, that wasn't a personal attack: it was a point that the PUA mentality isn't a universally correct worldview, because it assumes that everyone in the world is heterosexual. I actually did go and talk to a gay friend after I made that post and he told me that the techniques were essentially the same, which I can definitely buy. But the point is that there is nothing essentially masculine about the PUA's perspective, and there is nothing intrinsically feminine about the person the PUA attempts to pick up. I think that's missed by people, especially male heterosexuals.
The OP hasn't actually given us enough information for any of us to actually suggest a "correct" way to handle his crisis. I believe this is actually because he doesn't have that information himself. In order to get this information, you have to communicate. You yourself are just as aware as I am that your advice isn't going to help him: he's not PUA material, and he's not going to be anytime fast. Dump and run isn't going to help him: he'll merely become serial until he loses all attractiveness completely. What good is that?
It would be smarter, if you ask me, to actually talk to her, because he has a chance to hear, from her mouth, what she thinks of him, why she thinks her boss is more attractive, and so on. If he doesn't understand it, I wouldn't be surprised if he came back here and asked, at which point you could start explaining How Things Work. If he understands, then he's quite bright. And if he becomes a puppy dog, well, nothing really changes, eh? And he'd also probably come back here. Hearing it directly from her solidifies the point, because it's far harder not to believe it.
No one has any idea what's going on anywhere around this. The only way to fix that is for people to start talking to one another. A dismissal just leaves him stranded and wondering whether he could have done anything.
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Originally Posted by TheColonel Do you realize you're asking this man to put his last ounce of pride on the line to somebody who has demonstrated - through explicit action - that she doesn't give a damn about him or his pride? |
Think about it. What is the
objective in this situation? Is his objective the same objective you'd have? I think that's clearly not true. He needs her to make a conscious decision between himself and her boss. Granted, we can be pretty sure what will happen, but is his pride really so important? His objective isn't to survive this or to rebound quickly; he needs to know what his possibilities actually are. He needs to learn.
Would it be better to be ignorant, but proud--or capable of handling things better from the start next time, having been humbled once before?