Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How do I honor my potential & myself while dealing w/ compartmentalisation in others?

Anna Conlan · 10-13-2008, 02:35 PM

Hi Bruce,

I have some experience with this.

Over the past couple of years (since I've got into PD and started my new business) I have left behind some significant relationships - including some old friendships, plus some previously very strong family ties have loosened quite a bit.

One of the reasons for this is that some of my old friends think I've gone crazy for getting into spiritual stuff

Also, I have grown so much and so fast that some of those relationships no longer suit me - we have little in common, plus I am more positive than some of my old friends and their negative attitudes about themselves and the world bring me down. For example...

I don't like being around people who moan all the time and do nothing about their issues. Or people who really hold onto their limiting beliefs and have a lot of fear about the world and can't let go of that. Certain family members of mine are so rigid in their thinking that they try to impose their thinking on me when I'm around them.

I am a healer at heart and I have a tendency to want to help people with their issues, whether they ask for it or not. But I have come to realize that some people do not want healing or help and that it could be seen as arrogant on my part to think that I need to 'fix' other people when they haven't expressed a desire for help.

So what I do now is withdraw from relationships which depress me. If I hear a friend say something like 'that's just the way the world is' or 'everything has gone to hell' and I know they have various other limiting beliefs, I will just leave them to it. I am my positive self around them so they know I have an entirely different world view to them, but I won't argue with them. The way I see it, they're entitled to their world view and if they want to change it anytime and become more positive, they know I'd love to help them.

Then that leaves me free to use up my energy on relationships which are really good (where I have stuff in common with the person) and where we inspire and nurture one another. I also need my healing energy for working with people who really do want change. there is no point me wasting it on people who don't want to change.

I know it can be hard to strike a balance between caring about people and leaving them to it. I make it clear to my all friends that if they want a healing session, they can have one, and they know what it entails. They know that if they want to get into personal development or spiritual development, I can recommend some resources. But I am not going to invest my energy in trying to have more in common with people who don't understand me - we're basically incompatible right now. Doesn't mean I don't care for them. It does mean that I don't really want to spend much time with them though if they're negative around me.

Having said all of this about having little in common, two of my oldest, dearest friends are a couple who are a bit skeptical about spiritual development and psychic stuff but in spite of that we are not growing apart -I guess it's because we're all positive people so we inspire each other and we always have other interesting things to talk about.

One thing I would recommend is to resist the urge to wipe the slate completely clean and start from scratch in some life areas. I used to feel that way. Now, when I get annoyed with my housemates, I think about moving to France, which is just a passing fantasy...it's an escape from what seems like a problem (and usually isn't, in hindsight). So what I'm saying is that it is possible to improve your life without needing to starting from scratch. It sounds like you need to look for some people who are into PD.

10-13-2008, 02:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Anna Conlan Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 432	Hi Bruce, I have some experience with this. Over the past couple of years (since I've got into PD and started my new business) I have left behind some significant relationships - including some old friendships, plus some previously very strong family ties have loosened quite a bit. One of the reasons for this is that some of my old friends think I've gone crazy for getting into spiritual stuff Also, I have grown so much and so fast that some of those relationships no longer suit me - we have little in common, plus I am more positive than some of my old friends and their negative attitudes about themselves and the world bring me down. For example... I don't like being around people who moan all the time and do nothing about their issues. Or people who really hold onto their limiting beliefs and have a lot of fear about the world and can't let go of that. Certain family members of mine are so rigid in their thinking that they try to impose their thinking on me when I'm around them. I am a healer at heart and I have a tendency to want to help people with their issues, whether they ask for it or not. But I have come to realize that some people do not want healing or help and that it could be seen as arrogant on my part to think that I need to 'fix' other people when they haven't expressed a desire for help. So what I do now is withdraw from relationships which depress me. If I hear a friend say something like 'that's just the way the world is' or 'everything has gone to hell' and I know they have various other limiting beliefs, I will just leave them to it. I am my positive self around them so they know I have an entirely different world view to them, but I won't argue with them. The way I see it, they're entitled to their world view and if they want to change it anytime and become more positive, they know I'd love to help them. Then that leaves me free to use up my energy on relationships which are really good (where I have stuff in common with the person) and where we inspire and nurture one another. I also need my healing energy for working with people who really do want change. there is no point me wasting it on people who don't want to change. I know it can be hard to strike a balance between caring about people and leaving them to it. I make it clear to my all friends that if they want a healing session, they can have one, and they know what it entails. They know that if they want to get into personal development or spiritual development, I can recommend some resources. But I am not going to invest my energy in trying to have more in common with people who don't understand me - we're basically incompatible right now. Doesn't mean I don't care for them. It does mean that I don't really want to spend much time with them though if they're negative around me. Having said all of this about having little in common, two of my oldest, dearest friends are a couple who are a bit skeptical about spiritual development and psychic stuff but in spite of that we are not growing apart -I guess it's because we're all positive people so we inspire each other and we always have other interesting things to talk about. One thing I would recommend is to resist the urge to wipe the slate completely clean and start from scratch in some life areas. I used to feel that way. Now, when I get annoyed with my housemates, I think about moving to France, which is just a passing fantasy...it's an escape from what seems like a problem (and usually isn't, in hindsight). So what I'm saying is that it is possible to improve your life without needing to starting from scratch. It sounds like you need to look for some people who are into PD.