[sepiagal]

You won't have a healthy relationship with anyone if you don't learn to speak up for yourself. This is pretty common for women but men can do this too. Rather than speak up and start an argument or something else like a conflict one partner will bite their tongue. Over time this becomes a pattern which causes the couple to grow apart. The resentful one withholds sex, affection, communication, their time and attention, whatever...which means no intimacy in the end.

Many couples don't know how to fight fairly to deal with conflict in a healthy way. You can learn how to speak up and fight fairly so that any relationship you have has a chance for survival. I'm not saying you are the only one who needs to change but usually women are the relationship coaches in the marriage; so you may have to take the lead in making this change happen.

If you date your ex you need to be clear about boundaries too. This is complicated because your relationship is in an unusual place. But if you spend time thinking about what caused you to feel resentment that may help you be clear about your boundaries while dating him.

I think dating him without any expectations would be the only healthy way to move forward. You sound like you have expectations from your wanting him to give you some idea what he plans to do about your marriage. Your expectations will only set you up for disappointment. You can not hold him responsible for your expections; doing that would be about inappropriate boundaries.

I think having a professional to work with while you date your ex would be an effective strategy, if you can manage that kind of help.