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Originally Posted by kle28  You say some things that may certainly bear a lot of truth. Perhaps he is not jumping as quickly to divorce because of the drawbacks he anticipates.... I don't want to date other people- I want to be with my husband. I only wonder if I am blind to the fact that he may be giving me signs that I am not seeing that he doesn't want to be with me, even though he is fine with "dating me". |
You don't need to answer me, but I want you to consider think about this:
WHY do you want to be with him? Is it a desire to seek what is well-known and comfortable? Is it a fear of the "divorce" label? Is it a fear you might been a failure if the marriage fails? Are you afaid that it's possible you might find happiness with someone else?
The old cliche is true: there are so many fish in the sea. You did your best to make it work, and he's the one who gave up. Now he wants the benefits of marriage without the commitment. And he's getting everything on his terms.
I will say with confidence that you should not be giving him any sort of sexual gratification until he ends the seperation.
Have you asked him point blank why he wants to "date" you if he say the marriage isn't going to work? I think this question should be answered.
I am also concerned for you. You seem like a sensitive, caring person. You're spending your time and energy sorting through what went wrong. You let go of alot of pain he caused you. But what is he doing to show he's trying to fix things? Has he ever truly apologized for these hurtful things he did or said? If you do everything you can to have him back and he returns, what assurances is he giving you that he won't carelessly hurt you again?
You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who is as concerned about you as you are for him. Just make sure you're trying to keep him for the right reasons.
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It seems to be a common opinion that "wearing your heart on your sleeve" is more perceived as a weakness, and that following your feelings and your heart rather than your rational thinking is very unwise.
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There has to be a balance in between the extremes; you should express your emotions but not go overboard. You don't need to play games. (Not saying you do this) but for example you also can't throw yourself at him crying and sobbing for him to come home either. Be strong. Keep your dignity.
There is nothing wrong with following your feelings, as long as you acknowledge all of them. You've got to be feeling more than "I miss him" and "I want him back". Explore all the feelings, good and bad. Explore the fears and the uncertainties.