[kle28]

I wondering what most people's opinions are on this topic. I am new here. Back in July my husband of 4 years told me he wanted a divorce. Our marriage had always had problems as we are completely opposite in all respects. Prior to him announcing that he wanted to separate and divorce, we had been sleeping in separate bedrooms, we rarely had sex, I was depressed and gaining weight, he was verbally abusive, etc. At first I was completely a mess. After a few weeks (he was still living here), I kind of had a revelation if you will.

I realized that during our whole relationship there were parts of me that never forgave him for lots of things (things he said or did that caused me immense hurt and pain) In the past I thought I didn't know how to forgive him, or couldn't. Suddenly, during a church service I went to while visiting my parents, I realized that forgiving him was a choice that I could make, regardless of whether or not he deserved it. I realized also that if I could forgive him and start seeing him kind of like how God sees him (looking past all the flaws), then I could release all my bitterness and anger that I had been holding on for years. (note- I was raised in a Christian home but hadn't attended church or prayed in many many years at this point)

I basically came to the conclusion that I had no control over what my husband would choose to do, and I could either be pissed off, miserable, and hate him, or I could forgive him and try to treat him with love (kinda like that cliche WWJD) So I set out to do that. I stopped being cold and distant and started being kind to him no matter what he did or said. It changed everything about how he responded to me!! and an even funnier thing happened- we started having sex again and it was as good as it was 10 years ago!

We started getting along better, but he was still looking to move out. I just kept praying for strength. He moved out over Labor Day weekend and now lives about 20 min. away.

At this point, he no longer is saying that he wants a divorce for sure. When I try to press for answers, it's always "maybe" "i don't know" or "we will see". we still get along well and have actually been kind of "dating".

What I really want to know is- Is it stupid of me to continue dating him if we are separated? we are having sex when we do see eachother, but i don't feel like I am just letting him "have his cake and eat it too" (as my good friend likes to say) because I really want to "have my cake" if you know what I mean.

I have no idea what the future holds for us. I don't think he really knows what he wants for sure and is hoping that this separation will help him figure it out. My mom thinks I need to just move on and forget about him, but if I love him, how can I do that? I am not sitting around pining away for him, but I also don't want to never see him and shut him out of my life. He is still my husband and he isn't seeing anyone else. It's so freaking complicated that it makes my brain hurt!!! He says that he still loves me, but I don't think he knows if he wants to be with me for the rest of his live for sure anymore. Part of me thinks "well then to hell with him. i will go find someone who isn't confused and will be sure about their feelings for me!!" but then again, marriage isn't something to throw away lightly...

opinions?? my friend thinks I am stupid for seeing him, just wondering if you all agree?