[Vicariously Yours]

I remember an oft-quoted comment by Ghandi, which goes something like this: you have to be the change you want to see in the world. I think this means you will have to be the initiator in all of those situations where you generally feel either invisible or you believe the other person will be annoyed by you. The truth of those matters is that you can never know what's in the other person's mind, and, that being the case, we will generally put our own thoughts there. In your case, I think you're putting your own fears into those situations: you are afraid that no one sees you, or you are afraid that the people who do see you will somehow disapprove of you.

This is projection. I notice you've mentioned a continued interest in spirituality, even after having distanced yourself from the traditional Christian arena. I might suggest to you A Course In Miracles, which discusses the illusion of separation, as well as the phenomenon of projection. It's deep, involved and complex reading, but if you can wade through it and do the suggested exercises, you will see an improvement in how things look to you.

Cheers. And I applaud your not taking the job...I've too many times taken work for its own sake and regretted it. You have to feel good about whatever endeavor you're engaged in, or it won't work out.