haha thats actually kind of funny. you've got to relax about that. stop thinking about it and its repercussions so much.
3 years ago my best friend told me he had a thing for me. It was really weird and at first i tried to be really good about it and everything. After a while though i turned into a total jackass and stopped talking to him and when i did nothing good ever came out of my mouth or actions. Im in my last year of school now so i had to keep meeting him throughout. Basically what im saying is, is that this turned out to be one of the best learning experiences for me. While your situation is completely different from mine, there's still something to learn from it. you cant force yourself into having those thoughts of kindness. BUt you can work on it and i'm sure that somehow this will help you do that.
There's nothing wrong with the way your feeling about yourself right now. It;s completely normal.
Hope this helped in some way.
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