You seem determined to be the big loser in this. You may not even realize it.
I'm older too. And I've been in your shoes. It took me a couple of years to get my head together afterwards. But here's the distilled truth for you:
1 - She's gonna dump you.
2 - You will be in EVEN MORE PAIN.
3 - No matter what, at that point, she will never, ever come back to you.
Why? Because she will have lost respect for you. She'll see you as spineless and weak.
Your only option:
1 - LEAVE HER!
If you do this, you will feel in control. She will see you as being in control, and she will have respect for you because you didn't turn into a mealy-mouthed doormat.
Maybe....you can work it out with later if you take this course of action.
But pay close attention here, because it may seem counter-intuitive -
LEAVE HER, AND DO IT NOW.
Log off the internet, and call her on her cell. Make it quick and surgical. Do not get into a discussion about anything.
IN & OUT.
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