[viscapes]

Hi Persephone79

Put downs only work if you let them. I know that's a bit of a cliche but I've found it to be totally true. You can condition yourself to simply not give a crap if someone puts you down then it won't matter what anyone says. And when people realise that their put downs are falling on deaf ears they normally stop.

It sounds like have a set of rules (emotional rules) that rely on other people in order for you to feel competent and comfortable, and equally rely on other people in order for you to feel put down or under attack.

Ask yourself, what has to happen in order for you to feel competent. Your answer might be something like, "In order for me to feel competent I need someone to show appreciation for my work", or "in order for me to feel competent I need to be considered as a competent professional by my peers". Emotional rules that rely on other people to make you feel the way you want to feel only set you up for dissapointment, and make feeling good difficult and feeling bad easy.

Condition yourself with new emotional rules that make feeling the way you want to feel completely within your control. Convince yourself of a new rule like, "in order for me to feel competent I must perform my job with the best of intentions and with reasonable dedication." That would be completely within your control. Then if someone trys to put you down it's not going to affect your feeling of competance because you don't care what other people think so long as you live by your (more empowering) rules.

Cheers
Paul