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Originally Posted by Jim11  I don't necessarily think expecting a partner to support you is controlling and manipulative; perhaps it's just the wording. Not that they need to give give you anything or do anything... silent support would do fine. But if someone is shooting down your ideas and goals all the time it can be a problem
To me you've portrayed the guy as very self-centered and perhaps he is just used to his life being the central theme. Maybe he'll wake up and realize you're becoming more independent and adapt to it, maybe he won't. |
Maybe it is just the wording but that's pretty much all I had to go with.
No one has to do anything, the energy & love in any relationship has to be given freely, if you have to force it out of someone by doing something for them, that is controlling & manipulative.
He doesn't trust her, that much is very apparent, based on things that happened in the past when they briefly separated and she started seeing someone else. He can't get let go of the past and neither can she, from reading her posts I can almost sense that she doesn't trust herself, that's why she feels the need to be there for him in everything he does and that it's ok if he doesn't do the same for her.
The guy is very self-centered, if you want to do something to wake him up, start living your own life and don't be there just to support his life. When he notices that all the love & support you used to give him isn't there as much, he will notice it - I guarantee it. He will either step up & wake up and notice that the relationship he has with you is important and if it is important to him, he will do the things to show you that. If it isn't important to him, he'll continue doing things the way he currently does and that will pretty much verify his feeling & love for you.
If you love him very much, accept him as he is. This may mean you feel something missing all the time when you're with him. To some people, they can tolerate this feeling and live accordingly, other people need alot more and will make the necessary decisions to live their life to get what it is they need.
Live your life actively, think deliberately, act accordingly and remember it's your life, choose how you want to live it.