[somethingsmissing]

Okay so this is kind of a long story. I met this guy when I was in high school, we have been together for almost 6 years now. We have done a ton of great things together, grown as adults together, and have shared many really fun times. I am recently starting to think that I am not happy anymore with what my relationship is giving me. We have had a few ups and downs and breakups throughout the 6 years, but have always seemed to get back together, for the right reasons? I don't know.

My boyfriend is a fighter, he wants to go pro. And I have always been there to support him 100%. I know he can do it if he sets his mind to is as he is very talented. I can honestly say that I have given him everything I can in helping him succeed. I feel like in doing so I have lost my own life path. I throw all of my energy into helping him with his dreams, that I have lost what it is I want to accomplish. This makes me feel very unhappy. It isn't that we spend too much or too little time together. He trains twice a day, but we also work together. I would say our time together is set out very well.

When it comes to me mentioning things I want to do he always seems to put these doubts in my head. I want to take violin lessons, he says "well then we really wont see each other." The lessons are once a week for 1/2 an hour, so it doesn't make much difference considering he wouldn't even be home while I was at the lessons. I want to go to secondary school, he says "are you sure you can handle that? That is a long time to go to school." And then I start second guessing myself, maybe I can't do it?

We have had a bit of trust issues in the past as I started seeing someone else while we were going through a rough patch. And I am not making excuses for what I did I know it was 100% wrong. He has finally started trusting me again to a point. He never lets me drive the car anywhere, partly because he is always using it. Same with our cell phone, he needs it for while he is travelling to and from training. Do you see where I am coming from? Everythinig we "have" together he really has...because I let him use it. I know he needs it for training and I know that is very important to him. I am living my life for someone else rather than for myself.

It is not that I don't feel appreciated...sort of. Like he says he appreciates what I do for him. but am I strong enough to keep doing this for him for the years to come? I don't think I am. I say this because we fought a few days ago and he said are you sure you are stong enough to support me as a fighter? And I honestly thought I was doing everything in my power to do so....but he doesn't think so. I can only do and give so much to him. And I think I am at that point where I can't do it anymore.

I am a very loving person and enjoy helping others. but perhaps that isn't always the best trait to have...

"Everything that you need to know lies in the eyes. If you can look into someones eyes and see yourself, you have just met the perosn that will forever affect your life..."

I believe in soulmates, and I can say I don't think he is mine...and that breaks my heart, because I thought at one time it may have been true.

Thank you for "listening".