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Originally Posted by sbdiane  I don't boss him around. Not at all. |
Look closer: you don't boss him around out loud, but who you are
being is a bossy boots. What you are wanting is that he be other than that what he is:
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I want him to be happy like he used to be, but I can't even talk to him about it.
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You've noticed that he doesn't seem to want to be happy, and yet your beingness is insistence that he be happy regardless of what he wants, even if you never say anything about it. Don't you think that's a bit bossy? It's hard, as I mentioned, because you and I both know that being happy feels good, and of course we want our beloved to feel good. But the only thing that you generate by being this way is unhappiness and frustration for yourself.
I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong -- I'm just saying it's ineffective to try to
make someone happy against their will. Even if he
wants you to
make him happy, it's just not your job; it's his. You can
help him be happy, though, if that's what he wants (but it doesn't seem like that's the case here.)
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I don't want him to make me be as unhappy as he is.
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The reverse is true, too -- he can't make you unhappy; you must agree to it.
Listen, you're a happy and positive person; you've got a talent for being happy! This is a great opportunity, this relationship, for you to really hone that talent regardless of his actions. It might mean refusing to take the stinky sneaker of his unhappiness, as our dear friend Rose of Cairo puts it. It might mean reducing the amount of time you spend with him, or it might mean really turning up the volume of your own joy so that his gloom is insignificant by comparison. It might mean leaving him, or it might mean staying and really taking on a huge lesson for yourself in being a Happiness Generator.
I have every confidence that you'll take terrific and inspiring action here.
p.s.... you might want to take on boldly looking for your own inner truth of how you are mirroring here: try switching it around, Byron Katie style, and see what you see --
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Disappointed woman.
My boyfriend is in a relationship with a woman who can best be described as disappointed. She's a very nice woman with lots of talents. Most people really like her. She's a natural leader, funny and smart. But she's not happy.
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