Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela  So, what are you going to do? What are you willing to take on, or let go of, to get yourself where you want to be? |
OK, seems like I have reached this dark place again. Maybe there is some solace to be found in the fact that I can recognize this place as 'dark'.
What is this stupidity that I HAVE to have something that I can't. Why can't I let this girl go?
I have tried everything. Looking at this like a good thing, playing it out as if it was the kick in the butt I needed to improve my life. I even did something I did not want to. Associate hatred with her and tried to magnify her weaknesses and insecurities. That seemed to work and then failed. Then I appreciated my own life, in a bid for self-sufficiency as it is now and express gratitude for everything I have.
And, now again I find myself in this place where I'll do ANYTHING to have her. I mean, if there was some "black magic", I'd try it. I'm scared of this part of myself.
But, I can't help it! She gets sexier by the day even though she is not much of a looker.
I just read the above statement, and can't help but laugh at myself.
But, this is the raw truth. It's like I'm under some spell.
I'll do anything!! damn.
I'm not ashamed to show this weak, pathetic side of myself here. I can see how I'm spiralling down and down due to this inane desire. I know I'm only gonna get hurt by pursuing her. At least, some part of me knows this. But, I'm not able to give up.
So, in response to Angela, I'm wiling to let go of the kind of person I am. Willing to give up the qualities I have listed above. I'll go over to the dark side. This is my weakest point, I'm very vulnerable, right now.
How and why did I get here?
