I just want to advise that you are focusing on the wrong thing and asking the wrong question. I know a guy who is pretty cool but is convinced his difficulty in social situations and dating, and the reason it is hard for him, is because he has some special condition or there is something wrong with him. So he's continually visiting doctor after doctor and psychologist after psychologist, and not actually improving.
And before I start let me say that the no1 key skill for being good with women is being comfortable, relaxed and cool in social situations, under social pressure, and when you experience 'state fluctuations'. State fluctuations are when you freak out, have a minor anxiety attack or want to leave the situation quickly.
Growing up in a small town, being shy, and lacking confidence, I experienced all the stuff that you have talked about.
The good thing for me in dealing with it, is that I thought this was pretty normal, and it was more a high performance problem, than something being wrong with me, or having a special condition, with a name. This made it easier for me to fix, avoided my ego identifying with it, and gave me the ability to have a clear goal when I thought about it - being calm in all social situations - rather than focusing on the negative and just avoiding the anxiety. You know how goals are better is positively written rather than in the negative?
The way I dealt with it was:
- having an awesome relaxation strategy in my life - including yoga, hot yoga, hypnotherapy, hobbies and interests, and loads of stuff like massage, acupuncture, and holidays occasionally
- gradually building up my tolerance, by just improving 5% a week and working on my breathing, and seeking these tense situations out for practice rather than avoiding them
- dealing with the root causes of my anxiety
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