I'm at the point where I don't care anymore. I tried to move on and did move on (from being rejected). But, now everything is echoing back. All the ghosts are rising back.
I'm tired. Empathy is a curse. I don't want it. I want to be selfish.
I wanna sell my soul to the Devil. Problem is, I don't have his number.
Ah, there it is again, my attempts to laugh it off. But, I'm only deluding myself. I really have hit the bottom. I'm so lonely and lost and pathetic.
And please dont say to love myself first to find love. I do. Very much so. I love how creative I am, I love how funny I am (absolutely lifts me to crack others up), I love how honest I am, I love my capacity to forgive, I love my altruism (whenever I ask or pray, like for eg. "Let everyone do well on this exam, including me"). I love myself and sometimes feel pity for those who don't know me. Now I'm getting snobbish
Anyways, I'm tired of it all. I have hit rock bottom. I am really happy for all the people for whom things are going right. But I don't want to be. For once, I want to be happy for myself.
Does this make any sense?